The Chaperones
by EsmeAmelia
Summary: COMPLETE. Han and Leia serve as chaperones on their kids' field trip to Tatooine. Will they keep their sanity?
1. Chapter 1

AN: As you know, I don't own Star Wars, but I'm required to say that anyway. Now that that's out of the way, this fic was inspired by the many hectic experiences I've had teaching elementary school. And yes, this will probably end up being an AU since Ahsoka will most likely die at the end of Clone Wars, but I thought it would be funny if she were the Solo kids' teacher.

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 1

"Mom, Dad," nine-year-old Jaina said at the dinner table one evening.

"Yes?" Leia and Han answered at the same time.

Jaina reached into her school bag, which she hadn't let go of since arriving home from school, and pulled out three datapads. "Would you please sign these permission forms?"

"Permission forms?" said Leia. "For what?"

"There's a field trip coming up," explained Jacen with his mouth full. "To Tatooine."

"Tatooine?" exclaimed Han.

"They can bring guests, so I can go too," piped Anakin.

"Well fine," said Han, "but why the hell would anyone take a field trip to that Force-forsaken planet?"

"Han, it's the birthplace of Darth Vader, it's the original home of Luke Skywalker – it's a famous planet now," said Leia.

"Yeah," said Jaina, her eyes shining. "So will you sign them?"

"I don't see why not," said Leia, taking the datapads and entering her name without really looking at them.

"Dad needs to sign them too," said Jaina, pointing at Han.

Han exhaled through his teeth. "Fine, fine," he said, taking the datapads. "But if you guys get sunburned, don't blame me." He signed the datapads without looking at them and tossed them back to his children. "There."

Jacen grinned as he looked over the datapads. "Thanks, Dad. Thanks both of you for volunteering to be chaperones on the trip."

"WHAT?" both Han and Leia reacted together.

Jacen's eyes grew big as he innocently looked up at his parents. "What? Did we forget to tell you about that?"

. . .

_Day One, One Week Later_

"Mom, Dad, wake up!"

Han groaned, pulling the covers over his head. "Not now . . ." he mumbled, wanting only to go back to sleep.

"Yes now," said Jaina, pushing her father's body and yanking the covers down. "Or the shuttle will leave without us."

"Tell the shuttle to wait an hour."

Leia gave a big yawn. "It's all right, Han. We'll be able to sleep on the shuttle."

Now Jaina was grabbing Han's hand and yanking on his arm. "Yeah Dad, but first we need to GET on the shuttle!"

"Five more minutes . . ."

"No, NOT five more minutes, NOW!" Now Jaina was yanking so hard that it felt like she was trying to pull Han's arm off. "Dad, come on, get up, get UP!"

The mattress creaked from Leia sitting up, then almost immediately Han felt a shove in his back, pushing him in Jaina's direction and almost off the bed.

"Lei-aaaaa," Han slurred. "What'd you do that for?"

"I knew you wouldn't get up otherwise," said Leia, getting out of bed and pulling on her robe. "Now come on, we've gotta get dressed. And don't you _dare _go back to sleep."

Han grunted. "Fine, fine, I'm up." He yawned as he forced himself out of bed, dreading what he had gotten himself into.

. . . . . .

There wasn't a hint of sunlight when the Solos reached the landing platform where they were to wait for the shuttle. Bunches of children and half-awake parents were gathered around, but unlike Han and Leia, most of the parents would get to _go home _after the shuttle picked up their kids and _go back to bed._ How Han envied them. The luggage was stacked haphazardly in a pile where it looked like things could easily get mixed up. Some kid might end up picking up his clothes. Or some other poor chaperone parent might end up _wearing _them. Han gulped, wondering just why he hadn't gone to someone saying he had never meant to sign up for this.

"Look!" said Jaina, pointing upward as she tugged on her father's shirt. "There it is!"

Han looked up and sure enough, there was what he presumed was their shuttle, growing larger and larger as it neared the landing platform. Well, at least now he might be able to get some sleep, even if it would be in a cramped shuttle seat instead of his comfortable bed.

"Good MORNING, everyone!" a middle-aged Togruta woman sang as she jumped out of the shuttle, just seconds after it landed.

"Good morning, Ms. Tano!" the kids all sang in unison, ringing in Han's ears.

Han had to struggle not to groan. Ms. Tano's perky attitude was the _last _thing he needed this early in the morning. No wait, it wasn't even morning, not by any _logical_ definition of the word. Who was the idiot who decided morning started in the middle of the night anyway?

"All right boys and girls, line up outside the shuttle, _line up!" _Ms. Tano said, her voice way too cheery for this time of morning, or _night, _as Han preferred.

Immediately the children broke away from their parents and started lining up by the shuttle's door with constant chatter that sounded like, "He cut in front of me!" and "I was here first!" Even Leia and Han's children were getting into the struggle – Jacen and Jaina were shoving each other for a spot in line and Anakin was shouting out that another kid had taken a place that was rightfully his.

"Now now, younglings," said Ms. Tano, "there's no need to push each other around," but the children acted like they hadn't heard her, which was probably true. By now their chatter had grown so loud that Han was feeling an urge to cover his ears.

Ms. Tano apparently decided to try a different approach this time. "All right class, ATTENTION!" she boomed, and immediately the children quieted down as if they were soldiers snapping into order.

"That's better," said Ms. Tano. "Now, I know you're all excited to go to Tatooine, but unfortunately, we can't get on the shuttle until we've got a straight, quiet line. Understand?"

"Yeah," one of the kids said.

"I said a _quiet _line," said Ms. Tano. "Now I'll say it again, we can't get on the shuttle until we have _no _talking. So I'll wait for you to get the chatter out of you before we leave."

Han couldn't help but groan. Did it _really _matter so much whether or not the line was straight and if a few kids were still talking to each other?

Apparently so, since Ms. Tano proceeded to shush anyone who still said so much as one word and refused to let the line move for at least a good five minutes. "All right," she finally said, by which time Han was almost asleep on his feet, "we're all straight, we're all quiet, I think we're finally ready to get on the shuttle, _quietly."_

Han was beginning to feel embarrassed at the sight of his own kids in the midst of that military-ish line. Maybe former Jedi generals weren't exactly the right people to teach school.

After the kids were finally on the shuttle, Ms. Tano shuffled up to Leia and Han while the other parents loaded their kids' luggage in the back. "Ah, the Solos," she said with a large smile. "I want to thank you for volunteering to be chaperones."

"It was a pleasure," said Leia, omitting the fact that they had been tricked into volunteering.

Ms. Tano made a squeal that sounded almost like a little girl. "I'm sure the whole class is excited that you're joining us – I know _I _certainly am." She turned to Leia. "You know I was your father's padawan, right?"

"I think you might have told us a few times," said Leia.

"Like, every time we talk to you," said Han.

"Well," said Ms. Tano, "you can go ahead and find your seats. I'll take care of your luggage."

"Finally," Han groaned. Without bothering to say goodbye to the teacher, he headed to the shuttle doorway and climbed up the steps to get in. Inside, the kids' chatter had started up again, no surprise there. Some were blowing hot air onto the windows and drawing faces in the fog, others were running up and down the aisle (one of whom almost ran right into Han), and still others were opening their bags and showing off what they were bringing on the trip.

"Psst, Dad, sit with me!"

Han turned around and there was Jaina in a window seat, her small bag in the seat next to her. "I saved a seat for you, Dad," she said cheerily.

"Thanks hon," said Han, though he would have preferred a window seat since that would be more comfortable to sleep in. He slid into the seat as soon as Jaina lifted her bag. "Now you're gonna behave on this trip right?" he said teasingly. "I don't wanna see any bad reports from ole' General Tano."

"Dad," Jaina said with a giggle.

"Course, General Tano's gonna have to answer to General Solo if she gives you any unfair bad reports," Han continued, grinning at his daughter.

As if she had heard her name spoken, at that instant Ms. Tano's voice filled the shuttle. "All right class, ATTENTION!"

The kids snapped to attention yet again, including Jaina.

"Thank you," said Ms. Tano. "Now before we take off, I want to make sure everyone has their safety harness buckled. I'll be going down the aisle checking everyone. Remember flight safety, everyone!"

Han looked down and realized that he had forgotten to buckle his own safety harness. Quickly he dug down into the seat, yanked the harness out, and fastened it just as Ms. Tano was passing them.

"Good, good," said Ms. Tano. "I wouldn't want to have to use a _parent_ as an example of not following flight safety rules."

Han gulped as she continued down the aisle checking everyone.

"Hey Dad," said Jaina, "you know your face is pink, right?"

When the teacher finished her inspection, she returned to the front of the shuttle and addressed the class again with her loud "ATTENTION" that made Han's ears ring.

"Now," she continued, "it will take a while to get to Tatooine, even at lightspeed, but we'll be watching a holofilm on the way and we'll have snacks, plus we'll be stopping for breakfast in about an hour. I don't want any complaining about the trip being boring and I don't want any fighting, got that?"

"Yes, Ms. Tano," the kids said in unison.

"Good," said Ms. Tano, after which she finally sat in her own seat and the driver started up the shuttle.

"Look," said Jaina, pointing out the window and Coruscant's lights getting smaller and smaller below them. "Isn't it pretty?"

"Yeah," Han said with a yawn. "Now if you don't mind honey, Dad's gonna take a nap."

Jaina wrinkled her nose. "You'll snore."

Han groaned yet again. "So?" He gestured to the rest of the shuttle, where the child chatter had already started up again. "I doubt anyone'll hear it." He leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes as he felt the shuttle jump into hyperspace.

"All right younglings," Ms. Tano said, "you can walk around now, but _be careful._ We'll start our holofilm in just a few minutes."

Han squeezed his eyes tighter, trying to imagine that he was tucked up in bed with a soft pillow and warm blankets, but then someone whispered, "Psst!" directly in his ear, blowing an annoying wind into it.

"Jaina," Han moaned, "Dad's trying to sleep."

"I'm not Jaina," said an unfamiliar child's voice.

With still another groan (how many times had he groaned today?), Han opened his eyes to find a boy around Jaina's age with short black hair standing next to him. "All right, who are you and why are you disturbin' me?"

"Dad, this is Tad," said Jaina. "He's one of my classmates."

The boy was grinning creepily at Han. "Are you really _the _Han Solo?"

"Yeah," said Han, "and I'm tired, so if you could go bother someone else . . ."

"WOW!" shouted Tad, leaning against Han's knees as he kicked his feet in the air. "_The _Han Solo is coming on our trip – I can't BELIEVE it!"

"Okay kid, I get it, you're a huge fan, now can you let me sleep?"

"Can I have your autograph?" Tad said so rapidly that it sounded like a single word.

"Not now," said Han, closing his eyes again.

The boy rapped loudly and painfully on Han's knees. "I won't let you sleep until you give me one!"

"Then I'll just tell your teacher that you're buggin' me and she'll put you in detention," said Han, keeping his eyes closed.

"I don't care," said Tad. "I'll do anything it takes to get _the_ Han Solo's autograph."

Han opened his eyes and looked confusedly at the boy. "Wait a sec, you're sayin' you don't _care _if you get detention?"

"You'd better give him your autograph, Dad," said Jaina. "It'll save you a lot of trouble."

Han gave a yawn so large that it felt like his jaw might snap. "Look kid . . ." he said.

"You've got morning breath," said Tad.

Han sighed through his teeth. "Kid, if I give ya an autograph, will you leave me alone?"

"Sure."

"Okay," said Han. "What have ya got for me to sign?"

Tad's eyes suddenly bulged. "Oh Force, I forgot to bring something! Be right back!"

With that he dashed back to his seat, his feet pounding the floor as he did so. Han leaned back in his seat again, thinking that maybe he could nap a little while the kid looked for something, but no sooner had he closed his eyes than he felt a sharp jab in his shoulder.

"Hey!" Tad hissed. "You can't go to sleep until I get an autograph, remember?"

Han opened his eyes and his jaw dropped. Tad was carrying a bundle in his arms that consisted of datapads, shoes, small holoposters of Han, a shirt or two, an empty chip bag, a wallet, and a figurine of Han with a large wobbly head.

"Kid, there's _no way _I'm signin' all that stuff," Han declared.

"You said you would," said Tad, making his eyes wide as if trying to be cute.

"I said I'd give you _one _autograph!"

"Sure you did," said Tad. With that, he dumped all the stuff into Han's lap. "One autograph on each of my things. And if you stand up I'll tell Ms. Tano that you spilled my stuff all over and she'll be mad at you for not setting a good example."

Jaina giggled a bit before Han glared at her. "Fine," he said through a sigh. "Give me a pen."

"Oh _Force!_" the boy said again. "I forgot my pen! Just a second!"

As the boy rushed to get his pen, Han growled a few words that were usually inappropriate to use in a bus full of children, but fortunately the kid chatter was too loud for anyone to make them out.

By the time he was finished signing autographs, Han's hand was sore and he was more tired than ever. It took Tad several trips to get all his stuff off of Han's lap since he "didn't want anything happening to his precious autographs," but hopefully the kid was finally satisfied now. For the third time Han leaned back and closed his eyes, desperately hoping he'd be asleep soon.

"All right class," Ms. Tano's overly perky voice shouted, invading Han's darkness, "it's HOLOFILM TIME!"

"YAY!" the kids shouted together.

"Hey Dad," Jaina whispered, "don't you wanna see the holofilm?"

"No," said Han, keeping his eyes closed.

The holofilm's opening music came booming into his ears, but he concentrated on relaxing, even when the sounds of a space battle surrounded him and the kids' chatter was increasing its volume yet again even though the holofilm was supposed to hold their attention.

This was going to be a long trip.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry it took me a little while to update - my computer went haywire and stuff happened in real life, you know how that is.

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 2

"Hey, wake up!"

It wasn't Leia or Jaina who woke Han up, but Ms. Tano herself. He wasn't sure exactly when he'd finally fallen asleep, but he remembered hearing the annoying songs from the holofilm for quite some time and he still didn't feel at all rested. It took a great deal of effort just to open his eyes and see the teacher's grinning orange face staring down at him.

"What?" he mumbled.

"We're stopping for breakfast soon and we need all the chaperones to help supervise everyone," said Ms. Tano.

"Breakfast?" Jaina exclaimed from beside Han, making him realize that his daughter was leaning against his arm.

"Yuppers," said Ms. Tano, grinning down at Jaina. "So you'd better get your safety harness fastened."

Jaina quickly obeyed as Ms. Tano addressed the rest of the class. "Everyone return to your seats and fasten your safety harnesses. We can't have breakfast until _everyone_ is safely buckled in!"

The kids stampeded up and down the aisle in an effort to get back to their seats, making Han wonder where the rest of his family was. Probably Leia had been able to sleep peacefully this whole time without anyone bothering _her _for autographs.

"Remember, EVERYONE needs to be safe before we land!" Ms. Tano repeated, going up and down the aisle checking and double checking everyone's safety harnesses. Fortunately, Han hadn't taken his off to nap, so the teacher couldn't give him heck _this_ time.

"Come on, come on!" Ms. Tano said, clapping her hands as she strode up and down the aisle.

"Ms. Tano, guess what!" Tad's voice shrieked from somewhere behind Han. "I got HAN SOLO'S autograph!"

"That's nice, Tad," said Ms. Tano, "but you need to strap yourself in if you want breakfast."

"I hope I can sit next to Han Solo!" Tad chirpped. "He's my new best friend!"

Han made a mental note to try to stay as far away from that kid as possible.

"All right," Ms. Tano was saying as she strode to the front of the shuttle, "it looks like everyone's ready.

"Good," Anakin's voice called out loudly enough for the entire shuttle to hear, "cause I have to _pee!"_

The kids exploded with laughter and Han wished he knew how to camoflouge himself from the teacher.

"Well," Ms. Tano said, clearing her throat, "you can all use the refresher at the restaurant." She cleared her throat again and looked first in the direction of where Han assumed Leia was, then directly at Han, seeming to say, "Don't you teach your kids how to behave in public?"

Han was _really _wishing he hadn't volunteered to do this.

. . .

After the shuttle landed on the rest stop asteroid, the group practically stampeded into the restaurant and everyone lined up for the refreshers that didn't have nearly enough stalls to accomodate such a large group. After waiting in a line with a bunch of noisy kids and then waiting for Leia and Jaina to get out of the refresher (since of course the females' line moved much slower than the males'), Han was finally able to regroup with his family.

"So how did you sleep?" Leia asked.

"Not much," said Han. "You?"

"Hardly at all," said Leia. "Anakin and I were sitting right in front of one of the holofilm screens."

"Yeah, that reminds me," said Han, stooping down to Anakin's level. "Anakin, we don't scream out that we have to pee in front of everyone."

"But I _did _have to pee," said Anakin.

"Yeah, so did everyone else," said Han, "but you didn't need to _say_ it."

"Why not? Ms. Tano told us we could use the refresher."

"Yeah, but that's kinda different from shouting that you have to pee."

"How?"

"Well . . ." Han fumbled for words. ". . . people don't like hearin' about bodily functions cause, uh, it reminds them that they do the same things themselves and they get embarrassed about that, and . . ."

Leia put her hand on her husband's shoulder. "Han, I'll handle this." She crouched down the Anakin's level and simply said, "It's not polite."

"Oh," Anakin said, as if that made perfect sense.

"All RIGHT, everyone!" Ms. Tano called out. "I need everyone to LINE UP before we can have breakfast!"

_"Again_ with the lining up?" Han groaned as his children scampered up to the teacher to get a good place in line.

"And I'll need the chaperones to come up here too!" Ms. Tano continued.

Han rolled his eyes as he and Leia dragged themselves up to the way-too-perky-for-this-time-of-morning teacher. The other parents looked like they hadn't slept very well on the shuttle either - they were muttering to each other, probably wondering how Ms. Tano could be so wide awake. Han was guessing that she had about twelve cups of caf before the trip.

"Ah, the Solos!" Ms. Tano said, waltzing up to them first. "I want to thank you again for volunteering to join us. Now . . ." She reached into her pocket and pulled out two name tags. ". . . I'm going to want all the chaperones to wear name tags at all times so the younglings know who everyone is."

"Name tags?" Han wrinkled his nose as Ms. Tano pinned a tag to his vest without even asking permission to do so. "_Everyone_ on this trip knows who me and Leia are. That kid Tad knows who I am a bit _too _much."

"But it wouldn't be fair to the other parents if you didn't have to wear name tags, would it?" said Ms. Tano with an obnoxious grin. Out of the corner of the eye she noticed a few kids shifting out of line and quickly called, "Hey, remember we need a straight line to get breakfast!" before handing out name tags to the other parents.

"Is she _obsessed _with straight lines or somethin'?" Han whispered to his wife. "They're KIDS, for cryin' out loud!"

Leia shrugged. "I guess she thinks that discipline will help them prepare for real life or something."

"Now parents," Ms. Tano interrupted, clapping her hands, "I'm going to need you to monitor the younglings during breakfast."

"Monitor?" said Han.

"Yes," said Ms. Tano. "You know, help them open their food if they need it, break up any fights that form, that sort of thing."

Han groaned. "Fine, so long as we get to eat."

Of course the chaperones had to go to the back of the line, which meant they couldn't order their food until all the kids had ordered theirs. Han was smelling caf and pancake syrup, which was making his stomach growl rather loudly. In the front of the line, the kids were grabbing their trays so swiftly that a few of them fell to the floor, which of course stalled the line from moving as they picked them up.

"Hey," the chaperone father behind the Solos said, "are you Jacen's parents?"

"Yes," said Leia.

"Well your kid's been picking on my kid."

"What?" Han exclaimed, whirling around to face the father, a rather large man with a brown mustache. According to his name tag, his name was Ryo Arman.

"You heard me," growled the man. "Your kid picks on my daughter. Calls her names."

"That's ridiculous," Leia automatically said. "Jacen wouldn't do something like that."

"So are you callin' my Melda a liar?" the man growled.

"If she says Jacen calls people names, then yeah," said Han, ignoring Leia jabbing him in the shoulder.

The man's hand was clenching into a fist. "I'm warnin' you, Solo, if my Melda has any trouble on this trip, your kid will be the one to blame."

Han growled. "If your kid's spreadin' lies about my kid, you can bet the teacher's gonna know."

Leia quickly stepped between them in an effort to keep a fight from breaking out in front of the children. "Look, we'll talk to Jacen about it, okay?"

"You'd better," the man growled, "or you'll be hearing from Ms. Tano about this."

. . .

It was at least fifteen minutes before Han was finally able to buy his food. While he was hungry enough to order one of everything, he thought Ms. Tano might consider that bad role modeling for the children, so he settled on caf, pancakes, and a large pastry. He and Leia were seated at a round table near a window that was projecting an ocean scene. Sitting with them were their three children and three other children - a little Tw'ilek girl, a human girl around Jaina and Jacen's age with blonde hair, and (to Han's dismay) Tad, who quickly got up and carried his breakfast around the table so he could sit next to Han.

"Hey Mr. Solo!" Tad chirpped.

Han took a deep breath. "Look kid, let's get somethin' established, kay? _No one_ calls me Mr. Solo."

"But Ms. Tano says we havta show respect to grownups," said Tad.

"Respect my a . . . butt," said Han.

"I respect your butt, Mr. Solo," said Tad. "I respect every part of you.

"Well if you wanna respect me, you'll call me Han, got that?"

Tad's eyes grew so wide that he looked possessed. "WOW, I get to call THE Han Solo by his first name!" He gave an equally possessed-looking grin. "So, _Han, _would you autograph my pancakes?"

"Autograph your _pancakes?"_ Han exclaimed. "How'm I sp'osed to autograph pancakes?"

"With syrup," Tad said, as if the answer was obvious.

Han groaned loudly enough for everyone at the table to hear him. "Fine." He grabbed the syrup container and poured his name onto the boy's pancakes as best he could, which meant that quite a bit of syrup ended up on the plate and the letters soon oozed out of place.

Tad's possessed grin stretched even wider when Han was finished autographing the pancakes. He was probably about to launch into another round of gushing, but the little Twi'lek girl bursting into tears kept him from doing so.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Leia said to the girl.

"I miss my mom!" the girl sobbed.

Leia gently stroked the girl's eyes, wiping her tears. "Well, is anyone else from your family here?"

"My sister is, but she's _mean _to me," the girl said through her tears. "She won't let me sit with her!"

"What?" Leia exclaimed, leaping out of her seat. "Come on, we'll just see about that."

After Leia grabbed the girl's hand and led her away, Tad turned back to face Han, that creepy fan look back on his face.

"So Han, can you autograph my eggs now?"

. . .

The kid chatter was taking over the restaurant by the time Leia found the girl's sister, whom she had to call on three times before she heard her.

"Your sister is crying," Leia said in her most authoritative voice.

The sister simply shrugged. "Yeah, so?"

Leia leaned over to her level. "She says you were mean to her and wouldn't let her sit with you."

"Course I wouldn't," said the sister. "Allura's a spoiled brat."

With that, the younger sister called Allura started wailing even louder. "See? _See? _She's _mean _to me!"

Leia leaned further forward and glared at the older sister. "Look, you let your sister sit with you or I'll tell Ms. Tano that you're being mean to her."

"So you're gonna _snitch _on me?" the older sister exclaimed, her black eyes growing wide with disgust.

"Yes, I'll _snitch _on you," Leia said. She grabbed Allura's hand and stormed off to find Ms. Tano, who was walking around the tables, eating from a plate she was balancing on her hand.

"Ms. Tano," Leia said, pointing in the direction of the sister's table, "there's a girl at that table who's refusing to let her sister sit with her."

Ms. Tano immediately put her plate on the table next to her and bent over to Allura's level. "Is this true, Allura?"

Allura nodded so rapidly that her head looked in danger of snapping off.

"Well then come on, we'll have a little talk with her," said Ms. Tano, leading them back to the sister's table. "Kai?" she said, leaning over to the sister's level, "did you tell your sister that she couldn't sit with you?"

"She _snitched_ on me!" Kai yelled, pointing at Leia.

"Kai, listen to me," Ms. Tano said calmly. "If you don't calm down you'll get detention when we get home."

"I don't _care!_" Kai wailed, still glaring at Leia. "You don't _snitch _on people!"

_"Kai,_" Ms. Tano said with sudden volume, "you apologize to your sister and let her sit with you _now!"_

After a long growl, Kai finally sighed and said, "I'm _sorry!"_ in a voice that sounded as un-sorry as possible.

"There, all better," Ms. Tano said triumphantly. "Now Allura, do you want to sit with your sister now?"

"No," said Allura, shaking her head.

"What?" Leia exclaimed. "You put us through all that trouble to get your sister to let you sit with her and then . . ."

"I said she wouldn't _let_ me sit with her," Allura said matter-of-factly. "I didn't say I _wanted _to."

. . .

"Han, are you _sure _you can't autograph my part of the tablecloth?" Tad was saying when Leia returned to their table, growling to herself as Allura skipped merrily next to her.

"So what happened?" Han asked.

_"Don't _ ask!" Leia said. She took a long gulp of caf and made a face. "And of _course _my caf's cold."

"Don't worry about it, Mom," Jacen said, looking at his mother with wide eyes. "Uncle Luke says you shouldn't drink too much caf anyway."

"Well Uncle Luke's never been a chaperone on a field trip," Leia said as she slammed her cup on the table. "By the way Jacen, have you been picking on a girl named Melda?"

Before Jacen could answer, the blonde girl at their table shouted, "Yup! Yup, he picks on me _all the time!"_

Jacen was rapidly shaking his head. "No I _don't!"_

"So I take it, you're Melda?" Leia said to the blonde girl.

"Yup, and Jacen picks on me all the time!" Melda said in a voice that sounded almost as if she liked being picked on.

"Don't listen to her - she's a liar!" Jacen shouted loud enough for the adults at the next table to take notice.

"He ALWAYS picks on me!" Melda shrieked. "I come home in tears every day because of him!"

Han sighed, digging his fingers into his forehead. "Look Jacen, how about you just stay away from her? That'll solve everything."

"I _can't!" _Jacen insisted. "She follows me around."

"She does," said Jaina. "I think she _likes _him."

"No I DON'T!" cried Melda. "He picks on me!"

Anakin tugged at his father's sleeve. "Dad, can I sit somewhere else? It's getting too loud here."

"I'd _really _like you to autograph the tablecloth, Han," Tad repeated, tugging on Han's other sleeve.

"All right everyone, QUIET!" Leia shouted, this time causing all the other tables to take notice. "Jacen, Melda, stay away from each other for the rest of the trip. Anakin, no, you can't sit somewhere else. Tad, Han will get in trouble if he autographs the tablecloth. Jaina, Melda wouldn't be trying to get Jacen in trouble if she liked him. And Allura, if you don't want to sit with your sister, don't act like you do. Okay? Okay."

There was a brief moment of silence after Leia's speech, but then the kids started up with their arguing and insisting on autographs again, this time even louder.

"Can we go home yet?" Han groaned.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thanks as always for reviewing!

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 3

Han probably would have liked to sleep through the rest of the shuttle ride, but he'd had caf now, which made that virtually impossible. He did try closing his eyes, but that did nothing to block out the child chatter. The holofilm kept playing despite the fact that no one could hear it and no one seemed to be paying any attention to it whatsoever. Han had tried to have a few conversations with Jaina, but they had to repeat themselves over and over because of how difficult it was to hear each other. Even the snacks were for the children and not the adults, although Jaina did sneak Han a few of her chips.

But finally the shuttle emerged from hyperspace over that dusty tan planet known as Tatooine and the kids started shouting in excitement, adding to Han's headache.

"All right, younglings, settle down!" Ms. Tano was saying. "After we land, we'll be checking into our hotel and then we're going to the zoo - aren't you excited?"

"YEAH!" the children all shouted in unison, making Han's headache multiply.

"I knew you would be," Ms. Tano squealed. "Now remember, everyone needs their safety harnesses fastened before we can land!"

"Yes, Ms. Tano," the kids said in unison.

Han was beginning to hope the teacher would supply the chaperones with painkillers.

. . .

Of course the children had to line up before anyone could enter the hotel and of _course _it had to be a straight and quiet line even though it was scalding hot outside. Only a few minutes after getting off the shuttle, Han was sweating so hard that he wondered if his face would melt and a few of the kids were _still _talking, which meant they _still _couldn't go inside.

"Come ON," Ms. Tano was saying, "I know we're all roasting here, but we CAN'T go inside until everyone's quiet!"

Han rubbed his sleeve over his forehead in an attempt to wipe off the sweat, but all it got him was a wet sleeve. It would be a miracle if he didn't die of heat exhaustion before this trip was over.

"I'm _hot!" _Anakin wailed.

"We're _all _hot, Ani," said Ms. Tano, smiling at him but keeping her voice firm, "but we can't go inside until everyone's quiet."

After what felt like hours, Ms. Tano finally declared that the line was straight and quiet enough to go inside even though a couple of children were still talking. Han guessed that the heat was finally getting to her too.

. . .

While Ms. Tano checked them in, the quicker children and chaperones took seats in the lobby's chairs and benches, but those quickly filled up and the remaining people had to either keep standing or sit on the floor - and Leia and Han were both in that latter group. They awkwardly lowered themselves onto the stone floor, their legs sticking out in front of them.

"Han!" Tad squealed, leaping off of the bench and rushing up to the pilot, leaping to the floor right in front of him. "So we're finally here, huh? Hey, when we go to the zoo I'll get a souvineer and you can autograph it!"

Han sighed. "Look kid, don't you have enough autographs yet?"

"But you're _amazing!"_ Tad said. "You're my _hero!" _He gave that creepy grin again. "Say, can you teach me how to fly a ship through asteroids?"

"What?" Han exclaimed. "Ain't you a bit _young _for that?"

"Not _now,_" said Tad. "When I'm older."

Han sighed. "I'll think about it."

"All right everyone, I need your attention!" Ms. Tano's voice interrupted, causing everyone to look up at her and see that she was carrying a stack of papers. "I have here a list of what rooms everyone will be staying in and who they will be rooming with." She started passing out the papers to the parents and children. "There will be four to each room - one chaperone with three younglings, sorted out by gender."

Sorted out by gender. Which meant Han and Leia would have separate rooms. _Great, _Han thought. _Just great._

"As you will see," Ms. Tano continued, "we tried to pair up the chaperones with their children as much as possible, since we know you want to have a good time with your little ones. We've also tried to put siblings together as much as possible. When you get to your rooms, you'll find that your luggage has already been brought in, so get yourselves settled in and then we can go to the zoo."

"Ugh," Leia exclaimed when she recieved her copy of the sheet.

"What?" said Han.

"Well I've got Jaina with me," said Leia, "but I've also got Kai and Allura."

"That crying girl at our breakfast table and her big sister?"

"Yes," groaned Leia.

"Well good luck with that," said Han, looking down at his own sheet and seeing that he would be rooming with Jacen, Anakin . . . and _Tad._

With that he sprung to his feet and ran after the teacher. "Hey!" he called.

"Yes?" said Ms. Tano.

"It says here that I'm sharin' a room with this kid Tad."

Ms. Tano glanced at his sheet and nodded. "Yes, that's right."

"Well _why?"_

Ms. Tano shrugged. "His parents aren't here and he specifically asked to room with you, so I thought why not?"

"Why not?" said Han. "Because that kid's _crazy, _that's why not!"

"Oh come on," said Ms. Tano. "He's one of the brightest students in his class and he always writes wonderful papers - all of them about you, in fact."

"And you don't think that's a _teeny _bit too obsessive?" asked Han.

"No, why would I?"

Han took a deep breath before speaking so he wouldn't slap himself. "Look, at breakfast the kid wanted me to autograph his _pancakes."_

"Awww, that's so cute!" said Ms. Tano. "You guys will have so much fun together!"

Han growled.

. . .

"Okay," Leia said as she entered the assigned hotel room with Jaina, Kai, and Allura, "here's our home-sweet-home for the trip." She couldn't help but groan when she saw that the room had only two double beds, a tiny table with two chairs, an adjacent refresher, and very little room to walk around anything.

"This is _it?"_ said Allura. "My room at home is bigger than _this!"_

Leia sighed. "Well whether you like it or not, this is where we're staying, so you might as well make the best of it." She sat down on one of the beds. "Now since Jaina's my daughter, I think it's logical that she and I share a bed and Kai and Allura share the other bed."

"What?" Kai and Allura exclaimed at the same time.

"She _snores!"_ Allura cried, pointing at Kai.

"She _kicks!" _Kai cried, pointing at Allura.

"Then _I _certainly don't want to share a bed with either of you!" said Jaina, sitting next to her mother. "You heard my mom - _I'm _sleeping with her."

"Yes, thank you Jaina," said Leia, clearing her throat before she continued. "Now so long as we have to live together, I think we should set a few ground rules. Rule Number One: No fighting."

"How come _you _get to make the rules?" Kai exclaimed.

"Well because I'm the _adult, _that's obvious," said Leia.

"But you're a _snitch!_" shouted Kai. "I don't have to take any orders from a _snitch!" _

"Rule Number Two," Leia said in her loud, firm voice, "No name calling!"

"When we get home I'm gonna tell my mom about what a _snitch_ you are!" Kai yelled.

Leia flew to her feet. "All right, you just broke Rule Two, so you need to be punished."

"You can't punish me!" Kai screamed. "You're not my teacher!"

"Well I'm in charge of this room," said Leia, pointing to the corner, "and I'm telling you to stand in the corner for a time-out."

Kai snarled at her. "You can't tell me what to do!"

"She's right!" said Allura, folding her arms. "You're not our teacher!"

"Do you two want to go to the zoo or not?" said Leia. "I can send Jaina to go with the class and stay here with you two, you know."

"Then I'll tell on you!" said Kai. "I'll _snitch _on you like how you _snitched _on me!"

"Go ahead!" Leia was trying to keep her voice from raising its volume but it was becoming more difficult with every word Kai said. "Ms. Tano put _me_ in charge of this room, not you. If she hears that you're not listening to me, you'll get into trouble."

"So you're gonna s_nitch _on me again?" Kai exclaimed.

"AND STOP SAYING THE WORD _SNITCH_!" Leia shouted, having to breathe several times afterward to get her composure back.

Jaina tugged on her mother's shirt. "Mom, calm down. Remember what Uncle Luke says - use the Force to calm yourself."

Leia breathed in again. "Yeah, well I dare Uncle Luke to deal with these kids."

. . .

Meanwhile, when Han, Jacen, Anakin, and Tad checked into their room, Han flopped down on one of the beds, wishing he wouldn't have to get up for hours.

"Okay, two beds and four of us," Jacen was saying. "So who sleeps with who?"

"I get to sleep with Han!" Tad squealed, leaping onto the bed next to Han, making the mattress creak loudly.

Han immediately sat up, dodging Tad's attempt to hug him. "Now wait a minute Tad, don'cha think my own kids should have the first shot at sleepin' with me?"

"But they get to be with you _all the time,_" said Tad. "I don't."

"Yeah well they're my kids and you're not," said Han. He looked up at his sons. "Jacen, Anakin, which one of you wants to share a bed with your dad?"

Jacen shrugged. "It's okay Dad, Tad can sleep with you."

"Yeah," said Anakin. "He's right, we get to be with you all the time and he doesn't. Besides . . ." He grabbed Jacen's arm. ". . . I wanna share a bed with my big brother!"

"YAY!" said Tad, diving on Han and throwing his arms around him. "Thanks guys, you're the best!"

Han sighed, frantically trying to think his way out of this. "Look kid, you _don't _wanna sleep with me, trust me."

"Why not?" said Tad, that creepy grin back on his face.

"Uh . . . I snore."

"I don't care."

"I . . . toss and turn - I might squish you."

"THE Han Solo squishing me? COOL!"

"I . . . drink, you don't wanna smell alcohol all night."

"That's okay, you won't be allowed to drink during this trip anyway."

By now Jacen and Anakin were giggling loudly. "Looks like you're stuck with him, Dad," Jacen said through his giggles.

Han rolled his eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Thanks as always for reading and reviewing! The reference to riding a bantha backwards in this chapter is inspired by the Lego Star Wars video game. In that game you can sometimes make the characters ride on different creatures, and when Han jumps on a creature's back he sits on it backwards, which cracks me up. And yes, there's bathroom humor, you can't escape it with a bunch of kids.

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 4

Once again the children had to line up outside the zoo, but once they entered the front gate, they scattered so fast that they looked like animals running away from a predator. Some of them scrambled up to the bantha exhibit, others peered through the window of the gift shop, others were grabbing handfuls of sand and throwing it at each other.

"Where did _our _kids go?" Han muttered to Leia.

Leia breathed in, probably using the Force to sense where their kids were since she couldn't find them either. "Jacen's by the banthas, Anakin's gazing at the ice cream vendor, and Jaina's running all over the place."

"A-TEN-TION!" Ms. Tano yelled, but either the children didn't hear her or chose not to listen. The teacher clapped her hands in a rhythm, but they still didn't acknowledge her. Finally she clapped her hands and shouted "A-TEEEEEN-TION!" so loudly that probably the entire zoo could hear it. Sure enough, the kids finally ran up to their teacher.

"Thank you," said Ms. Tano. "Now we're having fun here, but that doesn't mean we don't need to behave. If you get out of control or start being disrespectful, you can be sent back to the shuttle to wait with a chaperone for the rest of us. Got that?"

"Yes, Ms. Tano," all the kids said in unison once again.

"That's better," said Ms. Tano, clasping her hands together and grinning widely. "Now we're going to learn about lots of different animals that are native to Tatooine. First of all, as you can see . . ." She gave a wide gesture to the bantha exhibit. ". . . is the bantha."

The children gathered around the fence that held the banthas in - Han thought it looked way too short to keep the banthas from escaping, but maybe it was electric or something, or maybe the banthas just weren't very bright.

"The bantha is one of the most useful animals on Tatooine," Ms. Tano recited. "Banthas show a remarkable ability to adapt to their environments and can survive for weeks without food or water, which means that even Tatooine's harsh climate is easy going for a bantha."

"Don't they get hungry?" a boy asked.

"Sure they do," said Jacen, "but they can stay hungry for a long time before they die. Banthas are survivors."

"Thank you Jacen," Ms. Tano said, shifting her eyes, "but I believe I'm giving the lesson here."

"Hey," Han interrupted, "he gave some good input there."

Ms. Tano looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "Yes, that may be true, but he still talked out of turn."

"But this ain't the classroom," said Han.

"That's no excuse not to behave," Ms. Tano said with a slightly accusing tone before going back to lecturing about banthas. "Now as I was saying, banthas produce the delicious blue milk you drink. Every time you have blue milk in your lunchbox, thank a bantha."

"I _hate _blue milk!" Melda shrieked.

"Hey, blue milk tastes GREAT!" said Anakin.

"It tastes AWFUL!" said Melda.

"It tastes GREAT!" Anakin repeated.

"It tastes AWFUL," repeated Melda.

"GREAT!"

"AWFUL!"

"GREAT!"

"AWFUL!"

By now several of the other kids were chiming in their votes on how blue milk tasted. It wasn't until Ms. Tano belted out her "ATTENTION!" that they silenced themselves.

"Now as I was _saying," _Ms. Tano continued, "whether or not you personally like blue milk, it is a very important part of Tatooine's economy. The exportation of blue milk brings in a lot of money . . ."

While Ms. Tano continued to lecture about blue milk and banthas, Han fanned himself with his hand in an attempt to ease the heat and the thick bantha smell, but he succeeded very little in either.

"Hey Han, have you ever ridden a bantha?"

Han didn't need to look down to know that Tad was talking to him. "No," he said.

"Do you wanna ride a bantha?" asked Tad.

"Not really."

"I bet you'd be _great _at riding a bantha. You could probably even ride a bantha _backwards."_

"Mr. Solo," said Ms. Tano, "please don't distract the younglings from listening."

_"Don't_ call me Mr. Solo!" Han growled, but Ms. Tano had already resumed her droning about banthas.

"EWWWW!" a boy shrieked, pointing through the gaps in the fence. "Bantha poodoo!"

With that, the crowd of kids, including the Solos' children, immediately ceased listening to the teacher and gathered around the spot where a bantha had defacated as if it were the most interesting thing in the galaxy.

"Jaina, Jacen, Anakin," Leia called, rushing after them, "you'd better not be touching that stuff!"

Before Han could register what was happening, almost all the chaperones were rushing up to their kids and warning them not to touch their discovery. The kids were gaping at how big it was, saying it must hurt for a bantha to produce something that huge. Jacen was telling them that it probably didn't hurt because banthas had such big "openings." Ms. Tano was calling them to come back, but none of them were listening.

"Sorry lady," Han said to her, unable to resist a smug grin. "You can't compete with poodoo."

. . . .

The group moved slowly through the zoo. Between Ms. Tano delivering a lesson at every animal and a kid or two wanting to take a refresher break every other minute and having to chase kids who had strayed from the group over and over, they spent at least twenty minutes at each animal, probably more. By the time they got to the wamp rats most of the kids (and some of the parents) were moaning about how hot and hungry they were, so Ms. Tano finally decided that it was time to have lunch in the zoo's restaurant and gift shop.

The Solos were all once again at the same table, this time joined by Tad (of course), the boy who had first pointed out the bantha droppings (whose name they learned was Niko), and Kai and Allura, sitting together this time for some reason. Their table was rectangular, stretching next to a window through which they could see the banthas from earlier.

"Han, can you autograph my sandwich?" Tad asked as soon as they sat down with their food.

Han concentrated on not showing his annoyance. "Look kid, what's the point of me autographing your food when you're just gonna eat it anyway? You won't have the autograph anymore then."

Tad's eyes grew wide. "You're _right! _I'd better _not _eat my sandwich after you autograph it - I'll keep it in my bag instead."

"That's not what I meant," Han said in a flabberghasted voice, hoping he wouldn't be blamed for Tad carrying around a moldy sandwich. "Look kid, I've given you lots of autographs already. I was thinkin' maybe we could take a break from that for lunch. You know, so the autographs stay special."

"Ooohh, I get it," said Tad, winking at Han as if it were some secret game. "I gotcha."

"Thank you," said Han, hoping that this time he would actually get to eat without being bothered for autographs every other minute.

Ms. Tano was sauntering around the tables, asking everyone how they were doing, carrying her food with her just as she was at breakfast. "So how are you all doing?" she asked the Solos in that perky voice.

"We're fine for now," Leia said in an overly-diplomatic tone, though her eyes were shifting as if she were holding her breath waiting for Kai and Allura to get in a fight.

"Dad?" Jacen asked, poking his father's side. "What does this mean?" He handed Han a folded note.

"What is it?" asked Han.

"Melda passed it to me at the dewback exhibit, but I don't understand what it means," said Jacen.

Han unfolded the note.

" 'SUCK YOUR DAD'S DICK'?" he exclaimed as he read the note, loud enough for the entire restaurant to hear.

Ms. Tano gasped loudly enough for the entire restraurant to hear, as if trying to make sure everyone knew she didn't approve of what Han said. "Mr. _Solo!" _she said, in a tone that sounded like she was speaking to a student. "There are _children _here! How can you _say_ something like that?"

"It wasn't me!" Han immediately protested.

"Really?" said Ms. Tano, glaring at him. "It certainly sounded like your voice."

"No, I mean my kid got passed this note." He stood up and handed the note to Ms. Tano. "See? That girl Melda's passin' Jacen notes with foul words."

Ms. Tano studied the note as if it took her ages to read four words. "All right, but _still, _you had no reason to read it _out loud._ I would have thought a former general could set a better example for the younglings."

Han felt his face reddening. "Does anyone wanna go with me to get souvenirs?" he growled.

"I do!" exclaimed Jaina, Jacen, Anakin, and Tad.

"Well good. C'mon, I'll get each of you a toy if you come with me right now."

With that, he stormed off, the four kids behind him, ignoring Ms. Tano calling after him.

. . .

Jacen wanted a holobook about the different animals at the zoo, Jaina wanted a kit for building miniatures of the zoo exhibits, Anakin wanted a ball with pictures of different animals on it, and Tad wanted a set of animal figures (that he asked Han to autograph as soon as he paid for it, of course), but all the time the kids were browsing the gift shop, Han kept scanning the place, looking for one particular person. Surely Melda was going to want her dad to buy her something here, right?

Ah, _there _were the dad and daughter. Han marched up to them, his teeth ground. "Hey, Mr. Arman," he spat at Melda's father. "I got somethin' to tell you about your daughter."

Ryo glared at him. "What? Your kid's tellin' lies about my Melda again?"

Han glared back at him. "Your Melda's passin' notes to my son with foul language."

"WHAT?" Ryo exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's right," said Han. "If you wanna spank her for it, I'll completely understand."

"How DARE you accuse my Melda of such a thing!" Ryo roared.

"See Dad?" Melda said. "I told you Jacen's parents were horrible people!"

Han fumed, thinking that if he had his blaster with him his hands would be twitching to fire it. "You callin' Jacen a liar? I SAW the note myself!"

"Which he undoubtedly wrote himself," Ryo said with a sniff, folding his arms.

"Uh-uh, NO way," shouted Han. "Our kids don't know that kinda language. Speakin' of which, how does a nine-year-old learn the word she wrote on the note anyway? Did her _dad _teach her?"

Ryo's face flushed. "Oh yeah? That's a very strange comment coming from an ex-smuggler. I'm sure your kids learn LOTS of colorful language from you!"

Han sputtered for several seconds before he could speak in words again. "Why you . . . I oughta . . ."

"But it's no surprise that your kids are troublemakers. After all, your younger boy put on that little scene at the bantha exhibit."

"SCENE?" Han yelled. "All he said was that he liked blue milk - it was YOUR kid who turned it into a scene!"

"Excuse me," the gift shop cashier said, "but I'm going to have to ask you both to leave if you keep going like this."

Han and Ryo glared at each other for a long moment before Han finally motioned for the kids to follow him out.

"Oh wow, that was awesome!" Tad shrieked. "You kicked that guy's butt!"

"Not now, Tad," Han grumbled, hoping his food would still be there when they got back to the table.

. . .

By the time they got back to their hotel room, Han felt like he had walked about twenty miles and sweated about half his body weight. He collapsed on the bed, staring up at the curved ceiling and trying to ignore his sons and Tad chatting rather loudly.

"Dad, can we order room service for dinner?" Anakin asked, jumping on the bed next to his father.

"Yeah, sure," said Han, feeling like he didn't have the energy to go to the hotel's restaurant anyway.

"With dessert?" Anakin gave his father that huge smile that made it next to impossible to refuse his requests.

Han sighed. "Yeah, with dessert, why not?"

"YAY!" the three boys shouted in unison.

Han sat up, seeing that they were already paging through the room service menu with large, excited eyes. "But we go to _bed _afterwards, you got that?"

"Awww!" wailed Jacen. "But it'll still be early!"

"And we all got up super-early to get on the shuttle this morning," said Han.

"But . . ." said Jacen.

"No _buts!_" said Han. "Room service dinner, dessert, and then bed."

"I understand, Han," said Tad. "Besides, you and I get to sleep together, which will be great!"

Oh right. Han had forgotten about that.

. . . .

Dinner was actually rather pleasant. After being with a large bunch of kids all day, taking care of just three felt pretty relaxing. Even supervising the pre-bedtime routines went by rather smoothly - the only rough part was convincing Tad that his toothbrush was too thin to autograph.

And finally bed. Han stretched out under the covers, feeling like it had been years since he last lay in a bed. He sank his head into the pillow, already feeling himself drifting off . . .

"Han?"

Han groaned at Tad's voice. "What?"

"Can you tell me a story?"

Han yawned, rolling over to face the boy. "It's _bedtime,_ Tad. Go to sleep."

"But I want a story first."

Han let out a moan. "Will you promise to go to sleep afterwards?"

"Yeah."

Han sighed. "Fine. What kinda story do you want?"

"One about you."

Why wasn't Han surprised? "Fine. Once upon a time me and Chewie got hired by this old man and this kid to pilot them to Alderaan. When we got there Alderaan was gone and in its place was this big space station that sucked in my ship with a tractor beam. Turns out the ship was called the Death Star and it could destroy planets. Well while the old man took down the tractor beam, me, Chewie, and Luke went to rescue the princess held captive there. We all escaped and went to the Rebel Base and the Rebellion attacked the Death Star. At first I was gonna leave to save my skin but then I changed my mind and came back just in time to help Luke destroy the thing, so then the princess gave me and Luke medals. The end."

"That's not the _whole_ story," said Tad. "What about how you almost got crushed with the garbage, and how you shot all those TIE fighters, and how you . . ."

"I said the _end,_" grumbled Han. "Now go to sleep."

"And what about all the _rest _of the war?" Tad continued.

"We'll save that for another night," said Han. "Now _go to sleep!"_

"Fine," said Tad. "Good night, Han."

"Good night."

Han closed his eyes, thinking that he'd _finally _be able to get some decent sleep, but then Jacen's voice pierced the darkness.

"Dad?"

Han gave yet another sigh. "What is it Jacen?"

"You never told me what that note meant."

"I'll tell you when you're older," said Han. "Go to sleep."

"How much older?"

"_Much_ older," said Han.

Jacen sighed. "All right. Good night, Dad."

"Good night."

AN: In case you were wondering, yes, I once taught a third grade class where I caught a student passing a note that said "Suck your dad's dick." My reaction was pretty much like Han's, though I didn't read the note out loud.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Thanks as always for the reviews!

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 5

_Day Two_

"Hey Mom, you'd better wake up!"

Leia groaned, burying herself under the covers, trying in vain to block out her daughter's voice.

"I mean it, Mom," Jaina continued, grabbing her mother's side and shaking her. "You've gotta wake up before Kai and Allura kill each other!"

"Wha?" Leia forced herself to sit up and there were the Twi'lek sisters shouting at each other between the beds, each of them looking like they wanted to hurt the other.

"What's going on?" Leia asked in a loud voice.

"Allura wet the bed!" Kai shrieked.

"I did NOT!" Allura wailed. "I got a drink of water and spilled some on the bed, honest!"

Leia groaned as she got out of bed and went to inspect the sisters' bed. Sure enough, there was a large wet spot on the sheet that looked like it was approximately where Allura's bottom would have been, but Leia still hoped that Allura was telling the truth.

"See, she wet the bed!" Kai shouted, probably loud enough for the people in the next room to hear. "See why I didn't wanna sleep with her now?"

"I DIDN'T WET THE BED!" Allura screamed, tears beginning to stream out of her eyes. "KAI'S LYING TO GET ME IN TROUBLE!"

Leia saw that she would quickly have to intervene if she didn't want the entire hotel after them. "Look, look, it's all right," she said, raising her hands in a calming gesture. "The cleaning service will change the sheets while we're gone today, so we don't have to worry about it."

"I'm NOT sleeping next to that bedwetter again!" Kai spat, sticking her tongue out at her sister.

"Well I'M not sleeping next to either of you!" said Jaina. "So I guess you'll have to sleep on the floor!"

Kai turned her glare to Jaina. "So you think just cause that _snitch _is your mommy that means you get special treatment?"

"I told you to STOP calling me a snitch!" Leia shouted. "And neither I nor Jaina is giving up our spot in our bed, so you'll just have to deal with it. Like I said, it's not a big deal if Allura wets the bed since they change the sheets every day anyway."

"BUT I DIDN'T WET THE BED!" Allura wailed between sobs. "WHY DO YOU BELIEVE HER WHEN YOU KNOW SHE'S MEAN?"

Leia sighed, reaching down to wipe Allura's wet cheeks. "I'm not taking sides here, okay? I didn't see it, so I don't know who's telling the truth, but I _do _know that the sheets will be changed before bedtime, so we don't have to worry."

"But she WET THE BED!" screamed Kai.

"I DID NOT!" Allura screamed back.

Leia pinched her nightshirt in order to keep herself from covering her ears. "LOOK," she said, "we're not going to breakfast until you two quiet down, so I'd suggest you do so right away."

For a moment the sisters glared up at her, as if they were uniting against a common enemy, but finally Kai let out a sigh and went to the refresher to get dressed.

"See Jaina?" said Leia, grinning triumphantly at her daughter. "All it takes to handle fights is a little diplomacy."

But no sooner had she finished her sentence than Allura started shouting again.

"How come SHE gets the refresher first?"

. . . .

Leia, Jaina, Kai, and Allura arrived at the hotel's restaurant at the same time as Han and his roommates. Once they saw each other, Leia and Han immediately embraced and broke into a kiss that was as intense as if they'd been apart for years instead of just one night, ignoring the gasps of "eeewwww!" from Allura.

"So how was your night, sweetheart?" asked Han. "How'd you survive without me?"

Leia sighed. "Let's put it this way. Tad begging you for autographs every other minute is _nothing _compared to the squabbling sisters I have to put up with." She shifted her eyes to make sure that all her roommates were still in her visual range. "By the way, we didn't see you at dinner last night."

"We ordered room service."

Leia inhaled, slightly shaking her head. "Well, you guys missed the food fight."

"FOOD FIGHT?" Jacen and Anakin exclaimed at once.

Leia groaned. "Some kid decided it was fun to start flinging his meat at some other kid and next thing you knew all the kids were flinging food at each other." She glanced down at her daughter. "Including _Jaina."_

"Hey, I just threw a little bread," protested Jaina.

"So we missed the food fight?" Jacen said.

"Awww!" said Anakin. "That would've been fun!"

Han glared down at them. "Hey, you guys were the ones who wanted room service, remember?"

"Yeah," said Anakin, "but we didn't know there was gonna be a _food fight!"_

"You should've been there!" chirpped Jaina. "Someone flung some ice cream at Mom and it landed _right in her hair!_ Then it melted and started dripping down her face and her neck - she had to spend at least fifteen minutes in the shower to get it out!"

Leia quickly put her hand over her daughter's mouth. "O-kay Jaina, I think they've heard enough about the food fight. Why don't you go pick us a table?"

While Jaina skipped off to find the perfect table, Han put his arm around his wife. "So, right in the hair?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," Leia said quickly.

"Fine sweetheart, fine," said Han, sticking his nose in her hair and inhaling deeply. Sure enough, even though she had spent quite some time trying to get it out, her hair still smelled faintly of chocolate.

. . . .

"All right younglings, keep moving, keep moving, we want to get good seats, keep moving."

Han was squeezed between rows of seats as Ms. Tano kept prodding the children to move further and further down the aisle. Down below the seats, the rows of pod racers were already parked, with pitdroids fixing them up for the start of the race. Han didn't see what was so educational about watching a pod race, but at least he'd get to sit down today and wouldn't have to chase after stray children.

"All right younglings, this is good!" Ms. Tano bellowed. "Have a seat!"

The children were expected to just sit down in whatever seat they were in front of at that moment, but of _course _that was too much to expect of them. They immediately started fighting over the seats, almost all of them convinced that the seat they were in front of was the _worst _seat and that someone else had grabbed a better one that should rightfully be theirs.

"YOUNGLINGS!" Ms. Tano shouted, causing the people in the row in front of them to look up. "We don't _have _to watch the pod race, you know. If you can't behave, we can go back to the hotel and stay there for the rest of the day. Now sit down RIGHT NOW."

"Yes, Ms. Tano," the kids replied, suddenly deciding the seats in front of them weren't the worst seats after all.

Han sat down, stretching his legs in front of him. To his left was Leia, but to his right was Tad, already staring creepily at his hero. "Have you ever been in a pod race, Han?" he asked as soon as they were settled in their seats.

"Humans don't usually race pods, kid," said Han. "Sides, the Falcon's faster than any pod racer."

"But Ms. Tano said her master raced pods when he was just our age," said Tad. "And _he _was a human."

"Ms. Tano's master was my father-in-law, kid - I _know _he was human . . . or at least human under all that black breathing suit . . . stuff."

"Well if he could race pods, I'm sure you could," said Tad.

Han sighed. "Well you're probably right, but I ain't all that interested in it, kay?"

"Okay," said Tad. "Besides, like you said, the Falcon's MUCH faster."

"Yeah." Han leaned back in his seat, hoping the kid was satisfied at least for a few minutes.

No such luck. "I bet you and I could _both _race pods. Maybe after the race they'll let us try it out."

Han inhaled. "They're not gonna let us, kid. You're too young anyway."

"But your dad-in-law was my age when he raced."

"Yeah, well dad-in-law had a lotta those midichlorian-things. Anyway, they're not gonna let us try racing, so forget it, kay?"

Soon the racers of various species came out to their pods as the announcers individually announced them with booming voices. None of the kids seemed to be familiar with any of the racers, but they cheered all of them on nonetheless. Ms. Tano was giving tidbits about each racer as he or she was announced, but no one was listening to them.

"Dad," Jaina called from Tad's other side, "who do you hope wins the race?"

"Don't know," said Han. "Who do you hope wins?"

Jaina pointed down in the stadium. "The red pod. That's got the best engine, so that deserves to win."

"The _pod_ deserves to win?" Jacen reacted from Jaina's other side. "What about the person _driving _the pod?"

Jaina shrugged. "What about them? It's pods that win races, not people."

"But pods can't run without people driving them," said Jacen. "Like how the Falcon can't go anywhere without Dad piloting it."

"Yeah," said Jaina, "but another ship would never be as fast as the Falcon even if it _had _Dad to pilot it."

"I bet _I _could race a pod," Anakin suddenly interrupted. "After all, I'm named after the best pod racer ever."

Leia suddenly leaned over so she could see her youngest son. "Anakin, you are NOT going to try pod racing, you're too young."

"But I've got midichlorians!" Anakin protested. "If my grandpa could do it when he was a kid, why can't I?"

"Cause Mom'll kill you if you do," said Han. "That's a good enough reason."

Fortunately, the race was about to begin, which hushed the children down for the moment. The pods were revving up their engines while the procession of flags marched across the track. Ms. Tano was telling the students something about the history of pod racing, but it was unlikely that anyone was listening. Han hoped she wouldn't give the poor kids a test on her lectures when they got home - that would be rather unfair.

After the announcers' cry of "GO!" the race was on and the pods zipped out of sight. Some of the kids immediately pulled out the screens to watch the race while others were claiming that they lost theirs and were begging their classmates to share theirs.

Leia turned to her husband. "So, think this'll keep them entertained for a while?"

Han glanced over at their children, all of whom were mesmerized at their screens. Even Tad was watching the race instead of gushing over Han. "Looks like it," Han said with a satisfied grin.

But no sooner had he spoke than a cry of, "KAI PINCHED ME!" came from Leia's other side. After a long sigh, Leia turned to face Allura and Kai.

"I DID NOT!" Kai was shouting back.

"SHE DID TOO!" Allura cried, large tears streaming down her face.

Leia took a deep breath. "Kai, is this true? Did you pinch your sister?"

"NO!" Kai yelled probably loud enough for the whole stadium to hear. "Allura's making things up so I'll get into trouble!"

"Don't listen to her!" Allura struggled to say through her sobs. "She PINCHED me!"

"I did NOT!" Kai screamed.

Leia took another deep breath. "Look you two, I can take you back to the shuttle myself and we can sit there until the race is over - is that what you want?"

"Why should _I _go back to the shuttle?" shouted Allura, starting to sob even harder. "SHE'S the one who pinched me! Why should I get punished for being pinched?"

Leia groaned. "Again, I didn't see it, so I don't know who's telling the truth, but I DO know that you're both being disruptive with your fighting."

"So?" the sisters both said at the same time.

Leia stared at them in exasperation. "Come on, I _know _your mother doesn't let you behave like this."

"Yes she does," the sisters said, again in unison.

Why was it that the sisters only agreed when they were ganging up against Leia? "I seriously doubt that," the princess said after taking yet another deep breath. "Now you have two choices - you can settle down and watch the race or you can go back to the shuttle. Which will it be?"

The girls glared at her for a few seconds, but then they went back to watching the screens.

Han patted his wife's shoulder. "Nice work, hon. Don't worry, I won't tell the press that the mighty Princess Leia has trouble handling two little girls."

"Like the mighty Han Solo has had any less trouble with a little boy following him around, right?" Leia said under her breath. "Oh, and there was that little fiasco in the gift shop yesterday, remember that?"

Han rolled his eyes, but he didn't try to contradict her.

Most of the kids stared at their screens for a while, but sometime during the second lap a voice from somewhere down the aisle said, "Why do we have to watch the race on these little screens? It's _boring!"_

"Yeah," said Kai. "It IS boring."

All of a sudden there was an eruption of children chiming their agreement even though they had been mesmerized by their screens just seconds ago.

"Younglings, younglings," Ms. Tano called, "we watch on the screens because the race goes through caves and canyons, places where they can't put seats."

"Then why don't we just watch it on the holovid?" said Niko. "At least it wouldn't be so _hot _then."

Ms. Tano sighed. "Niko, you're already this close to facing a detention when we get home for shouting about those bantha droppings yesterday, I wouldn't suggest pushing it."

"Can we go back to the hotel now?" a girl asked.

"_No!" _Ms. Tano growled.

"But it's _hot!" _Niko cried. "Why can't we just watch this on the holovid?"

"Yeah," said another voice. "I wanna go back to the hotel!"

A chorus of voices shouted in agreement, loud enough to make every adult's ears hurt. Han ground his teeth in an attempt to block out the sound, but that did nothing. Finally he flew to his feet, dropping his screen on the stone floor. "All right, that's ENOUGH!" he shouted.

Most of the kids (as well as just about everyone in the row in front of them) turned to stare at him, but he was too fired up to pay them any heed. "Look kids," he continued, "Ms. Tano's tryin' to give you something fun and you're throwin' it in her face. How would you feel if you tried to have a good time with someone and they kept complaining? Not too great, I bet. Now if you guys don't want detention when you get home, you'll settle down and watch the rest of the race without complaining, got that?"

The kids muttered something Han couldn't make out, but most of them went back to watching their screens. Han turned to face Ms. Tano with a cocky grin, expecting her to thank him for settling the kids down, but instead she was glaring at him with her arms folded.

"Mr. Solo," she said, again with that uppity tone she used with misbehaving students, "I can take care of discipline _myself,_ thank you very much."

Han's eyes buldged. "What? I just HELPED you! Don't tell me a teacher's too ego-blown to accept help quietin' down loud kids!"

"And _you _were just louder than _any _of the students," retorted Ms. Tano. "Now I would suggest that you sit down before we get thrown out of here."

Han gulped, looking down at the people in the row in front of them who were now staring up at him. He sat back down, but the people in front of him kept staring until they were certain that he wasn't going to have another outburst.

"What's the deal with her?" he muttered to Leia.

Leia patted his shoulder. "Don't worry Flyboy, I'm sure she just doesn't like people doing her job for her. Kind of like how you don't like people giving you advice on how to fix the Falcon."

"That's _different,_" Han muttered.

"Really?" Leia said slyly. "How is it different?"

Even if Han had an answer, he wouldn't have been able to say it anyway, since his biggest fan was poking his arm.

"Hey Han," Tad said, "can you autograph my screen?"


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Thanks as always to the readers and reviewers!

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 6

By the time they got back to the hotel, Leia's clothes were sticking to her skin and her hair was a mess of wet, sticky strands. She couldn't remember who won the race - she only remembered Jaina's exclaimation of disbelief that the red pod didn't win, but she really didn't care. Right now she wanted more than anything to take a long, cool shower, but of course her roommates started making demands as soon as they were in their room.

"When can we go to dinner?" said Kai. "I'm starved."

"We're ordering room service for dinner," Leia said sharply.

"What?" Kai, Allura, and even Jaina exclaimed in unison.

"You heard me," said Leia. "I'm _not _going to the restaurant when it's full of kids riled up from the pod race."

Allura scowled, folding her arms. "You're mean."

"This is about _ice cream, _isn't it?" said Kai.

_Use the Force to calm yourself, Leia,_ Leia thought desperately. _Use the Force to calm yourself._

"Yeah," said Allura, a large grin on her face as she shuffled up to the princess. "It's about _ice cream."_

Leia tried to let the Force flow through her and calm her down, but when those two Twi'leks were staring at her it was becoming rather difficult.

"Ice cream!" Kai shouted. "Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream!"

The memory of that cold, messy ice cream splatting into her hair unwittingly entered Leia's head, making her flinch, which the girls were all too quick to notice.

"Ice cream!" Kai shouted louder, cupping her hands around her mouth to make sure Leia heard her.

"Ice cream!" Allura joined in, swaying from foot to foot. "Ice cream!"

Leia turned to Jaina for support, only to find that her daughter's lips were pursed, as if she wanted to start chanting "ice cream" as well.

"ALL RIGHT, that's enough!" Leia finally shouted. "Look, all three of you - and yes Jaina, that means you too - were wild and crazy last night in the food fight. If you can't behave in the restaurant, we don't need to go there."

"But that's not _fair!"_ Jaina wailed. "All I did was throw a little bread!"

"Which was still participating in the food fight," Leia retorted.

"Why are you so _mean _to us?" Kai exclaimed.

Leia took a deep breath, wondering how many of them she would have to take before she was able to actually calm herself. "I'm not mean, I'm merely setting standards."

"You're setting _mean_ standards," said Allura.

Leia sighed. "Look, you can each pick something you like from the room service menu." Then, figuring that she had better do something nice if she didn't want to be seen as the mean chaperone for the rest of the trip, she added, "And if you all _really _behave, we can order a dessert and then maybe even rent a holofilm. Does that sound acceptable to you?"

Jaina nodded enthusiastically. Kai and Allura looked at each other as if silently discussing whether or not they should listen, but then they finally joined in the nodding.

"Good," said Leia, going over to the table and picking up the room service menu. "Now you can pick out what you want and I'll order it for you."

For once the girls obeyed, allowing Leia to have a few minutes sitting on the bed without anyone fussing at her, though she found herself tensing up every time Kai or Allura looked up, her psyche waiting for the next fight that was sure to break out.

. . . . .

"Why wasn't Mom at dinner?" Anakin asked when Han and his roommates returned to their hotel room after a dinner at the restaurant.

"Well," said Han, sitting down on his and Tad's bed, "this's just a wild guess, but I'd say it has somethin' to do with the food fight last night."

Jacen flopped down on his and Anakin's bed. "I wish there was a food fight tonight. That would've been fun."

"No, it _wouldn't_," said Han, glaring at his son.

Anakin sat next to his brother. "So Dad, what are we gonna do for the rest of the night?"

"Sleep," said Han.

"WHAT?" the three boys exclaimed in unison.

"You heard me," said Han. "We're gonna SLEEP."

"But that's not _fair!"_ cried Anakin. "It's too early to go to bed!"

"Yeah Dad," said Jacen. "We didn't get up early to get on a shuttle _this _morning."

"Can we go somewhere?" said Tad, grinning up at his hero.

The _last _thing Han wanted to do was go anywhere. "_Go _somewhere? We just _went _to a pod race!"

"Yeah," said Tad, "but we can walk to Mos Eisley, right? I wanna see that cantina where you first met Luke and Obi-Wan."

At first Han could only stare in exasperation at the boy, then when he found his voice it came out in an explosion. "You wanna go to the MOS EISLEY CANTINA? C'mon, you're joking, right?"

"No," said Tad, as casually as if Han hadn't just shouted at him.

Han looked up at his sons. "Hey, could you guys do me a favor and talk some sense into your friend here?"

"I dunno, Dad," said Jacen. "Going to the cantina sounds like fun."

"Yeah," said Anakin. "Can we go, Dad? Pleeeeeaaaase?"

Oh great, now Anakin was giving him that impossible-to-resist smile. "Look guys," he said attempting to avert his eyes away from the smile but somehow finding that it kept drawing him towards it, "I don't think Ms. Tano will like it if we go to a cantina."

"Ms. Tano doesn't have to know," said Tad, yanking on Han's arm. "Come on, don't you like adventure?"

Han knew it was a losing battle with Anakin's smile, especially when he made his eyes as big as was humanly possible. "Augh, okay," he finally said. "But not one word about this to Ms. Tano or your mother. _Especially _your mother."

. . . . .

Leia's rommates were quiet during dinner - too quiet, in fact. They didn't fight, didn't accuse her of being mean, didn't say anything, in fact. Even Jaina wasn't talking. Leia thought about trying to start a conversation about the pod race, but quickly decided against it. If she started talking, that might remind Allura and Kai of how much they hated her.

It was actually nice to have quiet for once, but as soon as Jaina finished her food she looked up at her mother. "Okay Mom," she said in an expectant voice, "can we order dessert and a holofilm now?"

"Well," said Leia, "you were good during dinner, so I guess we can."

"Yay!" said Allura, nearly knocking her plate to the floor.

"I get to pick the holofilm!" Kai immediately declared.

"Says WHO?" said Allura.

"I'm older than you," Kai declared, sticking out her tongue. "That means I pick the holofilm."

"But that's not FAIR!" Already tears were streaming down Allura's face.

"I think _I _should pick the holofilm," Jaina piped in. "After all, I'm the only one who's _behaved _for this trip."

Leia groaned. "Look, how about we look through the available children's films and _vote _on what we order?"

"CHILDREN'S films?" Kai exclaimed.

"Of course," said Leia. "After all, you guys are children."

Kai grumbled something Leia couldn't make out, but then she figured that she probably didn't want to know what it was.

. . . .

Han had to admit, being back at the Mos Eisley Cantina felt nice and nostalgic. It was still dimly lit, giving it an eerie atmosphere at night, it still smelled of smoke and alcohol, even the same band was there playing that same tune that stayed in the mind for hours. Given the late hour, it was mostly empty, only a few patrons sleepily sipping their drinks.

"Hey!" the bartender called, "you can't bring minors in here!"

Han showed his palms in a mock gesture of submission. "Hey, hey, don't worry, they just wanna have a look around."

"We don't allow minors," the bartender repeated gruffly.

Han strode up to the bartender. "Look, we're only gonna be here a few minutes and then we'll leave, kay?"

"NO minors!" the bartender said with a snarl. "Now get them out of here before I'm forced to call the authorities."

Tad was shuffling up to one of the tables. "Hey Han," he called, "isn't this the table where you first met Luke?"

How was Han supposed to remember which table he sat at? "Uh, sure," he said, figuring that the boy would be thrilled no matter what table it was.

Sure enough, Tad immediately slid into the seat at the table. "COOL!" he yelled. "My butt's touching a spot where THE Han Solo's butt touched!"

"Hey," the bartender called to Tad, "you get away from there!" He immediately turned back to Han. "Now listen, I'm gonna say this one more time - you get these kids outta here or I'm gonna be forced to call the authorities."

Han sighed. "Fine. C'mon guys, we gotta leave."

"Aw!" Jacen, Anakin, and Tad exclaimed in unison.

Anakin was pointing at the band. "But they were playng a great song!"

"And by morning it'll be stuck in your head," said Han, grabbing his son's hand. "C'mon, let's go."

. . .

After voting over and over again, Leia and her roommates finally settled on a holofilm about a princess who had to fight an evil Force-using wizard and break a curse on her planet. They ordered a cake and things actually looked like they were going to settle down. Leia started to relax as she and Jaina sat on their bed watching the holofilm and eating cake.

"The princess in the film is a lot like you, Mom," said Jaina.

Leia smiled down at her daughter. "Why thank you, Jaina."

"No she's not," Kai said with a sneer. "_This _princess is actually _fun."_

"Hey," said Leia, "let's not be rude."

"But _you're _rude," said Kai. "Why're you so mean to us?"

Leia sighed. How many times were they going to have this conversation? "How many times do I have to tell you - I'm _not_ mean. I merely set standards, which is what your teacher instructed me to do. If you have problems with what I'm doing, take it up with her."

"But she doesn't tell you to be _mean!" _Kai wailed.

Jaina immediately jumped to the other bed and pointed a threatening finger at Kai. "Don't you DARE talk about my mom that way! She's the nicest mom in the galaxy!"

"Can you be QUIET?" Allura yelled. "I wanna hear the holofilm!"

Kai and Jaina glared at each other as if they were about to break into a fight.

"Jaina, get back here," said Leia. "It's not worth it, you know that."

Jaina kept glaring at Kai for a moment or two, but then she finally obeyed her mother - but not before sticking her tongue out at the older Twi'lek sister.

Leia sighed as the fight broke out.

. . . .

"That was COOL!" Jacen chirpped as he, Han, Anakin, and Tad headed down the hall to their room. "Too bad the guy made us leave so soon, though."

Han was dragging his steps, looking forward to a good night's sleep, but something unpleasant was there to greet them when they reached their room.

There was Ms. Tano, leaning against their door, her arms folded, glaring at the group.

"What the . . ." Han exclaimed before Ms. Tano interrupted him.

"I have the Force, you know," the teacher said in a sharp, crisp voice. "I can sense when someone leaves the hotel without permission. So where were you?"

"We went to a cantina!" Anakin chirpped before anyone could stop him.

"WHAT?" Ms. Tano exclaimed, glaring at Han. "You . . . took . . . younglings . . . to . . . a . . . CANTINA?"

"Hey, it was _their _idea, not mine," said Han.

"So I suppose they hypnotized you into taking them?" Ms. Tano's glare hardened. "I thought you were supposed to be the _adult_ in your party!"

"Hey, nothing happened," said Han. "No one drank, there weren't any fights, and the bartender made us leave after five minutes anyway."

"That's BESIDE the point!" Ms. Tano spat. "I would THINK a former general would know better than to take younglings to a CANTINA!"

Han sighed, digging his fingers into his forehead. "Are you finished?"

"Yes," said Ms. Tano. She stepped away from the door and pointed to it like a mother sending children to their room. "Now get in your room and stay there."

Han and his roommates obeyed, but even after they were inside Ms. Tano kept standing in the doorway with her disapproving stare.

"Okay," Han said in an annoyed voice, "we're in now, you can go away."

Ms. Tano continued to block the door, her hands on her hips. "I think you need to learn a little lesson, Mr. Solo."

"What're you gonna do, ground me?" said Han, unable to stop himself from giving her his cocky grin. "Put me in detention?"

Ms. Tano didn't look at all amused. "No, but I think locking the four of you in your room every night for the rest of the trip should suffice."

"What?" Han exclaimed She was joking, right? "C'mon, you can't lock us up."

With that, Ms. Tano stuck out her hand and Han's room key floated out of his pocket and into her outstretched fingers.

"Wow," said Ms. Tano, waving the key back and forth, "look who's got your room key." She gave the group an obnoxious grin. "Night night, pleasant dreams. You can come out in the morning."

With that, she stepped backwards and the door slid shut, locking them in.

Once the door was closed, Han immediately rushed to it and franctically began pressing the button to open it, but to no avail.

"Nice job, Dad," Jacen said with a groan, flopping down on his bed. "Thanks for getting us locked in."

Han whirled around to glare at his son. "Now wait a sec, you guys were the ones who wanted to go!"

"Yeah," said Anakin, "but like Ms. Tano said, you're the grownup. You could've told us no."

"I don't mind if we're locked in so long as I'm with _Han!" _Tad said with a grin, throwing his arms around Han.

Han ignored his fan, instead focusing on his sons. "Look guys, next time you wanna go somewhere kids aren't allowed, DON'T ask me if you can go there cause you know I'm gonna comply and then we'll all get in trouble."

"So you're a pushover like Mom says?" Jacen asked.

Han grumbled to himself before pointing at the refresher in the exact manner that Ms. Tano had pointed at the door. "Get your pajamas on. We're goin' to bed. NOW."


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Thanks as always for reading and reviewing! My internet connection's acting up again, so I'm not sure how much I'll be able to update.

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 7

_Day Three_

Han was sound asleep when Ms. Tano opened the door in the morning, not waking up until the teacher's loud, perky voice saying, "Good MORNING!" echoed around the room. With a long groan, he forced himself to open his eyes - to find that Ms. Tano was standing in the middle of the room, right between the beds.

"Wakey wakey!" the teacher sang, looking down at Han with her obnoxious grin.

For a moment Han was too stunned and sleepy to react, but then when he found his bearings he glared up at Ms. Tano. "What the hell are you doin' here?"

"Why, waking you up, of course," said Ms. Tano. "You don't want to miss breakfast, do you?"

"No we don't!" Tad chirpped from next to Han. He grabbed Han's hand and began swinging it back and forth. "Come on Han, we can eat together!"

"Right!" said Ms. Tano. "So get up out of bed before the muffins are gone!"

"I love muffins!" Anakin called.

Han ground his teeth in order to keep himself from exploding. "Look lady, you've got NO RIGHT to barge into our room like this!"

"Oh?" said Ms. Tano. "Well I had to let you know that you could come out again, didn't I? Otherwise you might have stayed in here all day."

Han gave a loud sigh. "Fine, we're up, now get outta here."

Ms. Tano didn't look at all discouraged. "All right, we'll see you at breakfast!" With that she sauntered out of the room, her long headstalks bouncing on her back.

. . .

Leia and her roommates were already eating when Han and his roommates got to their table. The boys immediately put down their trays and grabbed extra chairs from the other tables so they could all sit together.

"Hey sweetheart," said Han, pulling up a chair next to his wife and kissing her cheek. "How was the evening?"

Leia made a face and pointed at Kai and Allura.

"What're you talking bout?" Kai exclaimed with her mouth full.

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about," said Leia. "You know why we couldn't finish the holofilm last night."

"We couldn't finish it cause you were _mean,_" said Allura, picking in her fruit cup.

Leia gave a loud groan, leaning over her pancakes. "Haven't we had this conversation _over and over?"_

"Well you keep being _mean _to us," Kai said before loudly slurping up her juice.

"HEY!" Jaina shouted. "STOP picking on my mom! It's YOUR fault we couldn't finish the holofilm!" She banged her fist on the table. "Someday I'm gonna learn how to Force choke people and you'd better hope you're not around when I do!"

"That's the dark side, Jaina," Jacen muttered under his breath.

Jaina growled, but before another fight could start, Ms. Tano's booming "ATTENTION" once again echoed around the room, causing all heads to turn to face her and see she was standing just a few feet away from the Solos' table.

"Thank you," said Ms. Tano. "Now I have an unfortunate announcement for you. Last night, one of our chaperones did something that's not allowed."

"Dad, why is your face red?" Jaina asked, but Ms. Tano continued before he could answer.

"Last night," Ms. Tano said, gesturing towards Han in a sharp motion, as if making sure everyone would know who she was talking about, "Mr. Han Solo snuck out of the hotel with the younglings left in his charge and _took them to a cantina!"_

The entire restaurant exploded in gasps, but somehow Leia's cry of, "WHAT?" managed to be louder than everything else.

"Yes," said Ms. Tano, "even though he knew he was supposed to set an example for the younglings, he _deliberately_ disregarded his responsibility and took the younglings to a cantina just so he could satisfy his craving for alcohol."

With that Han flew to his feet. "Now wait a sec," he shouted, "for your information, Ms. _Tano_, it was the KIDS who wanted to see the cantina and I did NOT do any drinkin' there! He turned to face the glaring eyes of the other chaperones. "And so you know, we were only there FIVE STINKIN' MINUTES and I . . ."

He couldn't say anything else because the teacher clamped her hand over his mouth. "As you can _see,"_ she continued, "he has made a disgrace of himself. Since he can't be trusted, he and his roommates are being locked in their room every night for the rest of the trip. Let this be a warning to the rest of you."

Once Ms. Tano released him, Han sank back in his seat, his face pulsing.

"How come _I _didn't get to go to the cantina?" Jaina cried.

Meanwhile Leia was glaring lightsabers at her husband. "Han," she said in her crisp voice that left no room for argument, "when we get home, you're sleeping on the couch for a month."

. . .

"Why can't I go to the cantina too?" Jaina was asking as the group departed the shuttle.

"Jaina, we've been through this," said Leia, still periodically shooting glares at her husband. "_No one _is setting foot in that cantina again. Do you want to end up locked up all night like your _father?" _

"But the _boys _got to go!" Jaina persisted, kicking the sand. "Why didn't you invite me too? Was it cause I'm a _girl?"_

Han sighed, bending over to his daughter's level. "Course not, sweetheart. But you know, you were in Mom's room and she wouldn't have let _any _of us go if we'd come over there to invite you."

"So it _was _cause I'm a girl," said Jaina.

"Hey Jaina, it's okay," said Jacen, smiling at his twin. "There wasn't much to see there."

"But there was a band playing _really cool_ music!" chirpped Anakin. He skipped around in a circle whistling the song the cantina band played.

Jaina pouted and folded her arms as Han gently cupped his hand around her neck. "Look sweetheart, I'll make it up to you, kay? After we get home you and me can spend a whole day together, just us two. How's that sound?"

Jaina opened her mouth to respond, but once again Ms. Tano perfectly timed her call of "ATTENTION" and her order to line up, which all the students promptly obeyed.

"Today we get to visit a very special place," Ms. Tano said as she gestured to the small hovel a short distance away. "What you are looking at is the house of the famed Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, who was a good friend of mine back when I was a padawan . . ."

Han might have actually been interested in hearing about Obi-Wan, but a finger jabbing him in the shoulder prevented him from listening. He turned around and there was Melda's father with a smirk on his face.

"So, you took your kids to a cantina," he said.

Han sneered at him. "Yeah, and what's it to you?"

"The fact that Ms. Tano's still letting such an irresponsible parent come with us," said Ryo, folding his arms. "If I were her, I'd be sending you and your family home right now."

"Yeah, well you ain't her," said Han.

The man snarled at him like an animal. "Look, if you know what's good for you you'll keep your kids far away from my Melda, you hear? If she becomes an alcoholic when she gets older, it'll be your fault for taking your kids to that cantina."

"What the _hell?"_ Han exclaimed. "Look _sir, _if you really believe that you've got some serious mental issues_, _and I'd suggest checkin' yourself into an institution for your dear daughter's sake."

Ryo's face was turning red. "Why you . . . you irresponsible, idiotic, immature moron!"

Han couldn't help but smirk at his pathetic attempt at insulting him. "Nice try, but my wife calls me more creative names on a regular basis - maybe you should get a few tips from her. I'm sure she's full of material after last night."

Ryo was sputtering, but Han didn't have time to chat with him any longer. The kids were lining up outside the hovel (of course) and Ms. Tano was telling them the line should be straight and quiet (of course). Han went up to join Leia on the side of the line, but she was still giving him the silent treatment.

"Look hon," he said awkwardly, "nothing happened, kay? No drinks, no brawls, nothin', and we got thrown out right away anyway."

Leia turned away from him with her arms folded.

Why was the silent treatment even worse than when she yelled at him? "Look," he said again, "they just wanted to see the place. No harm done."

Leia still wouldn't look at him.

Han sighed. "Okay, okay, I totally embarrassed our family and I'm gettin' what I deserve bein' locked up every night. Happy now?"

But Leia didn't get a chance to answer. All of a sudden, the deafening cry of Tusken Raiders numbed everyone's ears just before they were all knocked out.

. . . .

The class woke up to find themselves sitting in the sand, tied together around various stakes in the middle of a Tuskan Raider camp, where many of the species were staring at their prisoners, grunting at each other in their language. Han had a splitting headache, but he wasn't sure if it was from being knocked out or from the kids screaming in panic.

"Well, this is an interesting turn of events," Ms. Tano was saying. "It appears that we have been captured by Tuskan Raiders. Now Tuskan Raiders, also known as Sand People, are a nomadic race who make Tatooine their home. They tend to keep to themselves and rarely socialize outside of their own tribes . . ."

"You're _seriously _trying to _teach _about this?" Han exclaimed. "How about tryin' to get outta here instead?"

"Patience, Mr. Solo," said Ms. Tano. "Now as I was saying, Tuskan Raiders use banthas as their main form of transportation . . ."

"We're DEAD!" Anakin was wailing. "We're gonna DIE!"

"I don't wanna die!" screamed Allura, tears already running down her cheeks.

"Crybaby," Kai grumbled.

"But we're gonna DIE!" cried Allura.

"HUSH!" yelled Leia. "_No one_ is going to die. We just need to stay calm and figure out a way to get out of here."

"I'm tied up next to HAN SOLO!" Tad sang out. "I'M TIED UP NEXT TO HAN SOLO! This is the most awesome thing that's ever happened to me!"

"Ms. Tano, I have to go to the refresher," some other kid was saying. "Can I just go here?"

"QUIET!" Ms. Tano screamed. "The leader of the tribe wants to speak to us."

Sure enough, one of the larger Tuskan Raiders was approaching them. He (or she?) started grunting rather loudly, seemingly at Ms. Tano, but it was hard to tell.

"Great," Han muttered. "Where's 3PO when you actually need him?"

"Not to worry, Mr. Solo," said Ms. Tano. "I know a little of their language."

"Yeah?" said Leia. "Well maybe you could be so kind as to tell us what they're saying."

The Tuskan Raider leader grunted a few more words to Ms. Tano before she translated. "He says that my old master once slaughtered an entire tribe of their people, so now they're taking revenge on his padawan, his daughter, his son-in-law, his grandchildren, and everyone else who's with them."

"What kind of a grudge is _that?"_ said Jaina.

"Revenge on all of US?" a mother yelled. "What did WE do to deserve this?"

"We're DEAD!" Anakin started wailing again.

"All right, all right younglings, just stay calm," said Ms. Tano. "Let me concentrate." She stared up at the leader. "You don't want to kill us, you want to let us go."

"Ah, I get it," said Leia. She too stared at the other Tuskan Raiders. "You don't want to kill us, you want to let us go."

"You don't want to kill us, you want to let us go," Jaina, Jacen, and Anakin repeated even though none of them had learned how to perform Jedi mind tricks.

"You don't want to kill us, you want to let us go. You don't want to kill us, you want to let us us go. You don't want to kill us, you want to let us go."

For a moment it seemed to be working. The leader stared blankly at the group, but then all of a sudden he growled loudly and began wrathfully waving his gaffi stick in the air.

Han sighed. "Somehow I got the feeling that didn't help us very much."

"Ah, well, it works best when you can wave your hand," said Ms. Tano. "No matter, Tuskan Raiders are also easily startled, so if we all make loud noise, that should scare them away."

No sooner had she spoken than the children exploded in screams, pounding inside Han's skull.

"AAOOOOOOOHGAH!"

"YAAAAAAAAAH!

"GO AWAY MEAN SAND PEOPLE!"

"HAN SOLO IS AWESOME!"

That last scream of course came from Tad, and Han thought for certain that he would lose hearing in one of his ears because of it.

It took several minutes, but finally the Sand People decided that their prisoners were either too loud or too crazy to bother with any longer. The leader cautiously approached Ms. Tano and grumbled something as he undid the ropes.

"He says we can go," Ms. Tano translated. "He says revenge isn't worth going deaf over."

Overjoyed that their scheme had worked, the kids continued screaming after they were untied. In fact, they kept screaming as the group lined up (why did they even have to line up in _this _situation?) and left the camp. The screaming went on and on, effecitively drowning out Ms. Tano's continuing lecture about Tuskan Raiders, until the camp was well out of sight.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Thanks again for reviewing!

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 8

The day's schedule now included an unplanned trip to the doctor's so everyone could have their head injuries looked at. Given that the nearest doctor's office only had four medical droids currently on duty, that meant a lot of time sitting in the crowded waiting room.

"Ms. Tano, you will be hearing from my lawyer about this," said the same mother who had cried out when they were captured.

"Hey," said Ms. Tano, "Tuskan Raiders are a regular danger on Tatooine. We were lucky to escape with our lives."

"All the _more _reason why you'll be hearing from my lawyer," the mother said with a sniff, pushing her black hair behind her shoulder.

"You _were_ aware that Tuskan Raiders lived on Tatooine, were you not?" said Ms. Tano. "If so, you allowed yourself and your children to come here with knowledge of the risks."

"Why you . . . you . . ." the mother sputtered.

"Let it go," said Leia. "You'll get used to being captured once it's happened to you a few times."

Han was trying to ignore the conversation and look through an old holozine, but of course Tad wasn't leaving him alone. "Hey Han," the kid said, grabbing his arm, "if I get a cast, can you autograph it?"

"Sure kid, why not?" said Han, knowing better than to argue with Tad about autographs by now.

"I hope I get a BIG cast," said Tad. "One that has room for a _hundred _autographs!"

"Dad, how come Mom isn't speaking to you?" Jacen asked from Han's other side.

"Probably cause she's jealous that we got to go to the cantina and she didn't," said Han, grinning at his son.

Suddenly a loud raspberry sound echoed around the waiting room, coming from approximately where Melda was sitting. Han snapped his head around just in time to see that she had her tounge out and her lips positioned to make a raspberry noise.

"JACEN!" she shouted a split second later. "How RUDE!"

The class broke out in laughter that pounded in every adult's ears.

"What?" Jacen exclaimed. "I didn't do it!"

"So your kid farts in public too?" Ryo said, glaring in the Solos' direction.

Once again Han flew to his feet, getting the attention of everyone in the room. "YOUR kid's the one blowin' raspberries and blamin' the sound on Jacen."

Melda blew another raspberry, this time in plain sight of everyone, and cried out, "Mr. SOLO, how rude!"

The class started laughing even louder.

Ryo folded his arms. "Like father, like son, I see."

For a moment Han was too exasperated to speak.

"Dad, can we go sit somewhere far away from them?" Melda asked. "Jacen and his dad have gas problems and they'll stink up the place."

"I know, sweetheart," said Ryo.

Now it was Leia who was flying to her feet. "Mr. Arman, you can't _actually _believe your daughter about this. It's obvious that _she's _the one making those noises."

Now it was Ryo's turn to fly to his feet. "How DARE you! My sweet little Melda would NEVER do such a thing!"

"Yeah," said Melda, folding her arms. "It's not my fault you guys are gassy."

"Well said, darling," said Ryo.

How stupid could this man be? "Look," Han said, trying to stay calm, "_everyone _saw what your daughter did."

"Yeah!" said Jacen.

"And if you don't teach her to be polite," Han continued, "she'll never amount to anything in life. Do you want that?"

Ryo was glaring lightsabers at him, but before he could fly into another defense of his daughter, a protocol droid entered the waiting room and announced, "Mr. Han Solo, Mrs. Leia Solo, Miss Jaina Solo, Mr. Jacen Solo, and Mr. Anakin Solo, the medical droid will see you now."

"_Organa _Solo," Leia muttered. "My name is _Organa_ Solo."

"Can I go with Han?" Tad asked, quickly standing up and grabbing Han's arm.

"I'm afraid not, young one," the droid said. "Only five are admitted at a time."

"Awww!" Tad wailed, reluctantly letting go of Han.

Once he was free, Han rushed towards the doctor's office, thinking that he had never been so relieved to be getting a checkup.

. . . .

A few people got their heads bandaged, but nothing serious was found. Unfortunately, it had taken so long to examine everyone that the rest of the day's activities ended up being cancelled. By the time they returned to the hotel, the suns were already setting.

"Pretty!" Allura said as she and several other kids gathered around to watch the sunset.

"Yes, very pretty," said Ms. Tano. "Tatooine is one of the few habitable planets in the galaxy with twin suns."

"Uncle Luke says he used to watch the suns set every evening," said Anakin. "He said it helped him feel better when he was lonely."

"Why would that make him feel better?" said Melda. "It's just two balls of light."

"Okay, okay everyone," Ms. Tano said, clapping her hands. "I know the suns are pretty, but we need to _line up _if we want to go to dinner!"

Han wasn't even going to bother groaning about how the kids had to line up yet again. Instead he glanced over at his wife, who had a bandage on her cheek - apparently one of the Tuskan Raiders had struck her pretty hard there. "So hon," he said, mustering up the gentlest tone he could, "you ready to talk to me yet?"

Leia sighed. "You're impossible, you know that?"

"Yeah I am, I know," said Han, reaching over and brushing his finger over his wife's bandage. "Does that hurt too much?"

"A little," Leia said, flinching slightly as the class began entering the hotel and the chaperones began following them.

Han took a deep breath. "So . . . you guys wanna have dinner with us? I understand if you want room service again, but if you come with us I'll dive in front of any flying scoops of ice cream headed your way."

Finally Leia smiled at him. "All right, I think that'll work."

. . . .

The instant Han and his roommates finished dinner, Ms. Tano led them back to their room and locked them in again. Han probably would have been full of protests if Leia hadn't been present and prodding him to take his punishment like a man.

"Well _now _what do we do?" Jacen said, folding his arms as he sat on his and Anakin's bed.

"I've got my ball from the zoo," said Anakin, pulling his animal ball out of his bag. "We could play Wookiee in the Middle."

"Yeah!" said Tad.

"Now wait a sec," said Han. "This room's a bit _tiny_ to play ball in, don't you think?"

"We'll be careful," said Jacen, sliding off the bed and joining the other two boys in front of the beds.

"Yeah Dad," said Anakin, lightly tossing the ball to himself. "It's just a game of Wookiee in the Middle - what could go wrong?"

Somehow that didn't reassure Han much.

. . .

Leia flopped down on the bed, letting out a large yawn, wishing the girls would be content with going to bed early but knowing that was too much to hope for. Sure enough, within a moment Jaina leaped on the bed next to her and stared down at her with a big grin, just inches away from her face.

"Mom, you can't be tired already," Jaina said.

"You mean you're not?" said Leia.

"Course not," said Jaina. "Let's do something fun."

"Hey," said Kai, shuffling up to Leia's bed, "how about we go to the holoarcade?"

"What holoarcade?" Leia moaned, pressing her arm against her forehead in an attempt to ease the pain.

"_Duh, _the one at the hotel, of course," said Kai.

Leia hadn't been aware of the hotel having a holoarcade, but she figured it was best not to reveal her ignorance and give the sisters more fuel to dislike her. "Not tonight," she said. "Maybe tomorrow."

"Aw, why not tonight?" said Jaina, grabbing her mother's arm.

"Cause my head hurts," said Leia, "and I don't want to go anywhere."

"Well _that's _not fair," said Kai. "What're we supposed to do then?"

Suddenly Allura answered that question by flinging a large pillow at her sister.

"PILLOW FIGHT!" the little Tw'ilek screamed.

. . .

Tad flung the ball towards Anakin, but Jacen jumped up and caught it, sending Tad to the game's important and yet dreaded middle position, though Han had never figured out exactly why the middle was such a bad place to be. At least he was able to sit on the bed while the kids played.

"You're in the miiiid-DLE!" Anakin chanted, jumping from side to side while waving his arms. "You're in the miiiiid-DLE! Wookiee in the miiiiid-DLE!"

"Okay, okay," Tad grumbled as he took his place in the middle. "You don't need to rub it in."

As Jacen threw the ball back at Anakin, Tad jumped up in an attempt to catch it, but was unsucsessful in his attempt. Once he had the ball, Anakin leaned forward for a couple of seconds, analyzing his territory, then flung it upwards. It looked like Tad would easily catch it, but then Anakin stuck his hand up and the ball floated high over Tad's head, brushing the ceiling before it landed neatly in Jacen's hand.

"Hey, NO FAIR using the Force!" Tad shouted.

"But I'm shorter than you guys!" Anakin protested. "I'm always gonna be in the middle if I can't Force-throw the ball!"

"But _I _can't use the Force at all, so it's not FAIR if you do!" Tad protested back.

Anakin looked at Han with desperation. "Dad, what do you think?"

Han figured he'd better speak quickly before Anakin made his eyes big and forced his father to side with him. "Fair's fair, son. Tad can't use the Force, so you shouldn't use it either."

"But they're _taller _than me!" Anakin persisted.

"So jump," said Han, lounging down on his side and propping himself on his elbow.

"Come on, Ani," said Jacen. "Let's get back to the game."

Anakin grumbled to himself, but he obeyed his brother, taking his place in the formation. Jacen had the ball again and he was bouncing it on his hand before tossing it to Anakin - it flew over Tad's head yet again. Once Anakin caught the ball, he leaned forward, determination in his eyes, and flung the ball past Jacen and into the wall, where it bounced to the floor, then almost to the ceiling, then to the floor again, then almost into Han's head.

"Hey!" Han exclaimed as he ducked the projectile of a toy. "Watch it with that thing!"

"What the heck was THAT?" Jacen exclaimed.

Anakin shrugged. "Hey, I'm short and I can't use the Force, so I have to make up for it somehow."

. . .

In Leia's room, all the pillows had been stripped off of both the beds and the girls were all heavily armed, throwing pillows at each other or bonking each other on the head despite Leia's attempts to calm them down.

"Kai, you are GOING DOWN!" Allura cried as she rushed towards her sister, pillow held over her head.

"Not if YOU go down first!" Kai yelled back, shielding herself with her own pillow.

"You're BOTH going down!" shouted Jaina, running to them armed and ready, which resulted in the three of them collapsing into a child pile while still whacking each other. Leia was taking deep breaths, preparing for the outburst that was sure to come from someone.

And sure enough, she was right. "OWWWW!" Allura cried. "KAI HIT ME!"

"Of COURSE I hit you!" said Kai. "It's a pillow fight!"

"But it HURT!" Allura wailed.

Leia quickly stepped up to the tangled mess of children. "Kai, we don't hurt each other in pillow fights. If someone gets hurt, she's not having fun."

"But we're HITTING each other," protested Kai. "Of COURSE it's going to hurt."

With that, Allura smacked Kai in the face with her pillow. "Does THAT hurt?"

"Allura!" Leia shouted. "Apologize to your sister!"

"Why?" said Allura. "She didn't apologize to _me."_

"Forget apologizing!" said Kai. "LET'S FIGHT!"

With that the two sisters bonked each other so hard that Leia worried that they had broken each other's noses. "All RIGHT, that's enough!" she shouted, yanking the pillows out of their hands and placing them on the bed. "If you two can't be gentle, you can't have a pillow fight."

For a moment the two girls glared up at their caretaker, then at the same time they grabbed their pillows and bonked Leia in the face, one on each cheek, bringing back the pain from being knocked out earlier.

"And WHAT was that for?" Leia shouted.

The girls didn't answer - they simply bonked her again.

"You . . ." They hit her again. ". . . are . . ." They hit her again. ". . . breaking . . ." They hit her again. " . . . rules . . ." Again. ". . . Ms. Tano . . ." And again. ". . . will . . . " Once again. ". . . hear . . ." Another hit. ". . . about . . ." Sill another hit. ". . . this."

Finally Leia reached up and pushed the pillows to the sides as Kai and Allura attempted to hit her, sending both of them tumbling over.

Jaina gasped. "Mom! You returned fire!"

"THEN IT'S WAR!" Allura screamed, pillow ready to strike.

. . .

In Han's room, somehow the game of Wookiee in the Middle had turned into a festival of tossing the ball around the room and seeing how many times it would bounce on the walls and the ceiling. Han lay on the bed, his eyes half-closed, trying to ignore the constant bouncing and banging sounds.

Then came the knocking on the door, pounding in Han's ears.

"OPEN UP!" a voice shouted. "PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!"

Han found himself grinning when he recognized the voice as Melda's annoying father. "Sorry, can't," he shouted. "We're locked in, remember?"

"SOLO?" Ryo yelled. "I should've known. Only you would let children get so out of hand."

"So your little Melda never gets to play ball?" Han retorted.

Jacen hurled the ball towards the door, where it bounced towards the ceiling and then landed on the bed. "Take THAT, Melda's dad!" he shouted. "That's what you get for not doing anything when your kid's so mean!"

There was a noise that sounded like Ryo was kicking the door. "Solo, you tell those kids to stop RIGHT NOW or I'll call the teacher!"

"Sorry, can't hear you!" Han sang before leaning down to Jacen and whispering, "You guys bounce the ball as loudly as you can, you hear?"

Jacen nodded and screamed as he flung the ball at Tad, who copied Jacen's vocalization as he flung the ball at Anakin but ended up hitting the wall.

"SOLO!" Ryo yelled, still pounding on the door. "You stop this right now! Solo! SOLO!"

Han lay down on the bed and closed his eyes, grinning as he listened to Melda's father driving himself crazy.

. . .

Somehow Leia had gotten herself buried in the pillows. When she refused to be in the war even after "returning fire," Kai and Allura had decided to capture her and hold her hostage unless Jaina surrendered, which of course she had refused to do. So now the sisters had stolen all the pillows and used them to imprison Leia.

"I'm gonna say this one more time," Jaina was saying. "You let my mom go NOW or you'll be sorry!"

"How?" said Kai. "We've got all the ammo, remember?"

Leia wasn't sure exactly why she was letting herself be a prisoner, but a pretend fight was better than a real one, and if being a prisoner was preventing a real one, that was fine with her.

"Oh I've got my ways," said Jaina.

Sweat was dripping down Leia's forehead, making her almost wish Jaina would just surrender so she could come out.

"Like what?" said Allura.

"Like this!" With that Jaina used the Force to lift a pillow off of Leia's head and drop it on Kai's head. "Mom, you're free!"

"No she's not!" cried Allura.

Jaina waved her arms at Leia. "Mom, get outta there, you're free!"

"No she's NOT!" Kai and Allura shouted together.

"Says WHO?" said Jaina. "You guys don't make the rules!"

Leia sat up, knocking the rest of the pillows off of her before a real fight could break out. "Okay, that was fun, but I think it's time for bed now."

"What?" exclaimed Allura.

"But we've got a war to finish!" said Kai.

"The war's over," said Leia, climbing off the bed. "See, after Jaina set the prisoner free, the prisoner had a discussion with the other diplomats on both sides and they decided to put an end to the petty fighting." She put her hand on Jaina's shoulder. "So now the soldiers can get some well-earned sleep after the battle."

The girls stared up at her for a moment. For a moment Leia thought they might accept that resolution, but of course that turned out to be too much to hope for.

"It's your fault, Allura!" Kai yelled. "You made us lose the war!"

"Me?" Allura cried. "It was YOUR idea to capture her!"

And then came the real fight.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Thanks for reviewing! Sorry this chapter took so long - blame the Olympics. Anyway, part of this chapter was inspired by one of the EU books (don't remember which one) where Luke went to some hangout that was made in the exact likeness of Jabba's palace and it even had a replica of carbon frozen Han.

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 9

_Day Four_

"You look tired," Leia said to Han at breakfast the next morning.

"So do you," said Han, rubbing his eyes.

Leia sighed. "Yeah, well, there was a war in our room last night."

"Sounds fun," said Han. "All we had was a game of Wookiee in the Middle where the ball became a missle."

Leia gave an embarrassed grin. "Yeah, well war isn't exactly fun when you're the hostage."

"Hey JACEN!" said a voice from next to their table, causing all to turn around and see the voice belonged to Melda.

"Whatever it is, no!" said Jacen, scrunching against the wall as if that would make him invisible.

Melda of course ignored him. "My dad says he's telling Ms. Tano that you guys were loud last night and he's gonna get you sent home!"

"Go AWAY, Melda!" said Jacen.

"You're gonna get sent home, you're gonna get sent home," Melda chanted in a singsongy voice, sticking her tongue out at Jacen.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Jacen shouted, loudly enough for most of the restaurant to hear - including Melda's father, who immediately stormed over to the Solos' table to see what the ruckus was about.

"What's going on?" he said, already glaring at Han.

"Dad!" cried Melda, gripping her father's leg. "Jacen's being mean to me again and his mom and dad won't do anything about it!"

Ryo's glare hardened. "Well don't worry sweetheart, Dad's gonna have a talk with the teacher right now." He took his daughter's hand and stormed away, glaring back at the Solos every other step.

"Is that guy blind, deaf, _and _stupid?" Han muttered. "How the hell doesn't he notice what a monster his kid is?"

"Don't worry Han," said Tad, giving Han a playful poke in the arm. "You can kick that guy's butt any day."

A few minutes later, who should approach their table but Ms. Tano, which made Han's stomach do a backflip. She gave them her obnoxious smile, which seemed to be pointed specifically at Han. "So, how are we doing?"

"We're fine, Ms. Tano," said Jaina.

"Good, good," said Ms. Tano. "Did you all sleep well last night?"

"Yup," the kids said in unison while Leia and Han shared a knowing look, communicating that neither of _them _slept well.

"Good," said Ms. Tano, clapping her hands. "You'll want plenty of energy for the Hutt palace."

Han had been sipping his caf, but once the words "Hutt palace" had been spoken he spat a mouthful back into his cup. "Hutt . . . palace?" he sputtered.

Ms. Tano raised an eyebrow. "Of course, didn't you read the schedule?" She shrugged. "Well I'll leave you to your breakfast. I'm glad you slept well."

Once she was out of sight, Leia reached over and rubbed her husband's back, but that couldn't untie the knots in his stomach.

"I gotta a bad feeling about this," he said.

. . .

"This used to be the home of the famous Jabba the Hutt," Ms. Tano was saying as the group gathered around the entrance of the palace, "one of the greatest Hutt leaders to ever live."

Han coughed. "Stinkiest."

"Jabba was one of the most revered of all the Hutts," Ms. Tano continued. "He was often referred to as Jabba the Mighty."

Han coughed again. "Jabba the Murderous."

"Such a leader as Jabba will probably never be seen again," Ms. Tano continued.

Han coughed a third time. "I hope not."

"Mr. Solo, are you coming down with something?" the teacher asked.

"Ewww!" shrieked Melda. "Jacen's dad has GERMS!"

"Stay away from him, sweetheart!" Ryo shouted, grabbing his daughter's hand and pulling her a few steps away from Han. "You don't want to catch his cold!"

"What? I ain't sick!" said Han.

"Liar!" said Melda. "Ms. Tano, can Mr. Solo be sent back to the shuttle so no one will catch his GERMS?"

Ms. Tano glared at Han. "Mr. Solo, are you indeed sick?"

"Of COURSE not!" shouted Han.

"He's LYING!" screamed Melda.

"No he's not!" Jacen and Jaina shouted together.

Leia took a deep breath. "All right, enough. Ms. Tano, I can assure you that my husband is _not_ sick - if he were I would have made him stay at the hotel."

After giving Han a visual scan, Ms. Tano finally nodded. "All right, then we can go in now. Younglings, it's time to LINE UP!"

Melda immediately skipped over to where the line was forming, but not without sticking her tongue out at the Solos first. Jacen went running after her, but fortunately another kid lined up in front of him before he could get in trouble.

. . .

"Jabba the Hutt saved my life," Ms. Tano was explaining as the group entered the palace. "He hid me away when the Jedi were hunted down. After his untimely death, his son Rotta has since taken ownership of his palace."

"He has a SON?" Han exclaimed.

Ms. Tano raised an eyebrow at Han yet again. "Mr. Solo, will you _please _stop interrupting me?"

"Hey, he's _Han Solo!"_ Tad shouted. "He can interrupt you if he wants! He's the most awesome pilot in the galaxy and he's the coolest person ever!"

"Tad," said Ms. Tano, "you're being disrespectful."

"He flew the Kessel Run in under TWELVE PARSECS!" Tad continued as if he hadn't heard his teacher. "Can YOU do that? Huh? Can you?"

"Tad, that's _enough," _said Ms. Tano. "You know better than to disrespect your teacher like that."

"Yeah," said Tad, "well you don't disrespect my hero, okay? He's a grownup too."

Han grinned at the teacher. "Well, ya can't argue there."

After glaring at Han for a moment, Ms. Tano sighed. "Come on, let's just go."

As they made their way down the hall, Han was for once grateful for the kid chatter - it was a distraction from the twist in his stomach and his shortening breath. Leia squeezed his hand, sensing his discomfort, though she was probably almost as uncomfortable as he was. Already the disgusting Hutt smell was in the air, making Han even more nauseous.

A silver protocol droid was there to greet the group at the end of the hall. "The Amazing Rotta the Hutt will see you now, Ms. Tano. He is quite looking forward to seeing his Aunty Soka again."

Han stared wide-eyed at his wife. "Aunty Soka?" he mouthed.

Leia shrugged. "I . . . guess they were close when she was in hiding," she said, though her eyes were wide too.

The kids were already repeating "Aunty Soka" to each other and hoping the teacher wouldn't hear them giggle at it. Fortunately, Ms. Tano was too busy lecturing about the history of the Hutt clan to discipline them, even though absolutely no one was listening.

A low voice exclaimed, "Aunty Soka!" in Huttese the instant they entered the throne room, making Han want to vomit. Rotta the Hutt was just as fat, ugly, and gross as his father, even though his arms were open as if expecting a hug and he was giving an excited smile.

"Rotta!" Ms. Tano exclaimed, dashing up to the Hutt and diving into his embrace, which prompted a chorus of "eeeeeewwww!" from most of the kids and some of the parents.

"Everyone," Ms. Tano said as soon as the Hutt released her, "this is my good friend Rotta the Hutt. I've known him ever since I saved his life when he was a baby."

She continued to drone on about her relationship with Jabba and his son while Han carefully slipped away from the group, inching along the walls, hoping he wouldn't be noticed. He probably wouldn't be able to take a breath until they were safely out of here.

Then he came upon something hanging on one of the walls. A large, gray slab that looked like it had a person encased in it.

And the person looked like _him._

Han's eyes bulged.

And he fainted.

. . .

The first thing Han was aware of was a pair of lips pressing against his, and they were too small to be Leia's. He forced his eyes to open and there was Tad - sitting on his chest and kissing him on the lips.

"What the HELL?" he exclaimed.

"Yay, my mouth-to-mouth worked!" said Tad. "I saved _the_ Han Solo's life, this is the most AWESOME day ever!"

"What happened?" Han asked, suddenly aware of all the faces staring down at him.

Jaina twisted her mouth. "Um . . . you fainted."

"Dad, you didn't tell us you were so _ugly_ in carbonite," said Jacen.

"Yeah," said Anakin.

"Me . . . in . . . carbonite . . .?" said Han, glancing back up at the gray slab on the wall.

And he fainted again.

. . .

When Han came to for the second time, his head was in Leia's lap and she was fanning his face. Ms. Tano was staring down at him, her arms folded, shaking her head.

"Really, Mr. Solo, you have to stop doing this," the teacher said disapprovingly. "It's really disturbing my lessons."

"It's a _replica,_ Han," said Leia. "No one's in there."

"And you trust Jabba's son to tell you the truth?" said Han.

Leia shrugged. "Well I doubt there's someone else who looks exactly like you to freeze."

"Mr. Solo, how many times are you gonna faint?" asked Allura.

"He doesn't like being called Mr. Solo," said Tad. "I call him Han and you should too."

Han looked up, giving only fleeting glances to the slab, but this time he was able to keep himself from fainting. "Did I _really _look like that?"

Leia gave a sheepish grin. "Pretty much. It's a really good replica, I'll give them that."

As if things weren't embarrassing enough, just then Rotta started laughing, sounding almost exactly like his father.

"The Mighty Rotta says that Solo is quite humorous," said the protocol droid.

"Nice," Han said with a sneer.

"Mr. Solo, were you really _drooling _when you got frozen?" Kai asked.

"No," Han said quickly, though he couldn't really remember if he was or not.

"Since Captain Solo is so amusing," the protocol droid continued, "the Incredibe Rotta has decided not to kill him."

"Wait, WHAT?" Han exclaimed, flying to his feet, though he swayed quite a bit while doing so.

The protocol droid acted like he hadn't heard him. "The Mighty Rotta was going to avenge his father's death by executing the Solos, but now that they have entertained him, he has decided not to do it."

Leia stood up next to her husband. "Look, the, er, _Mighty _Rotta couldn't have been serious about that."

"Oh, very serious," said the droid. "Ask him yourself if you don't believe me."

Han turned to Ms. Tano. "Were you really gonna let your _friend _execute us?"

Ms. Tano smiled at him. "Of course not, silly. Can't you take a joke?"

"It didn't _sound _like a joke . . ." Leia muttered.

"Oh come on," Ms. Tano scoffed. "Rotta's the sweetest guy - he wouldn't _actually _execute you."

"Oh yeah?" said Han. "Well we've had some experience with his dear old dad, so forgive us if we're a little less than optimistic."

"Hey Han," said Tad, pulling on his arm, "can you take a holo of me with the frozen you and autograph it?"

Meanwhile the droid hobbled up to them. "Excuse me, the the Amazing Rotta has requested that you all join him for a performance of his band."

"His band?" said Han. "Didn't they all blow up on the barge?"

"Oh, this is a _different_ band," said the droid. "The Max Rebo Tribute band performs the original Max Rebo Band's songs in their own style."

"Great," said Han. "Hope someone brought earplugs."

Now the droid was approaching Leia. "The Magnificent Rotta also says you are quite lovely, Mrs. Organa Solo. He would like to know if you would consider joining his group of bikini dancers."

"Not on your life," groaned Leia.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Hi, thanks for the reviews! Again let me apologize for taking some time getting this chapter up - I've been busy. Wow . . . this chapter got cheesy, complete with references to the Star Wars Kinect game (I don't own a Kinect system, but the clips on YouTube are awesome).

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 10

The kids and parents all sat on the floor as the band played and the bikini-clad dancers performed. The dancers shook their hips and ran their hands over their own bodies in a rather suggestive manner, making Leia scrunch up her face in disgust, concentrating on keeping herself from vomiting.

"Is this _really _appropriate for children?" a mother asked.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Ms. Tano said nonchalantly. "It's just dancing."

"It's vile . . ." Leia muttered, clutching her mouth before glancing to the side, making sure Han wasn't too interested. "It's degrading to women."

Rotta said something in Huttese which the droid translated as, "The Incredible Rotta says that his dancing girls are well-paid and want for nothing, so it is not degrading to women at all."

Leia rolled her eyes.

Meanwhile Jaina was grinning as she hugged her legs. "This looks like fun. Maybe I'll try it when I grow up."

"If you do I'll disown you," Leia muttered.

"Oh come _on,_ Mom," said Jaina. "Keep an open mind. Just cause you didn't like the bikini doesn't mean _everyone _has to."

Instead of answering her daughter, Leia glanced again at Han, who was shifting his eyes, as if making an effort _not_ to look at the dancers. His eyes met Leia's and he gave her a sheepish grin, as if apologizing for his male instincts.

"This is _boring,"_ Medla said loudly.

With that the Hutt shouted something in his native tongue. Leia couldn't understand the words, but she could definitely understand the tone.

"The Amazing Rotta wishes to know why the human thinks his dancers are boring," the droid translated.

"Cause it _is,"_ Melda snapped. "It's just a bunch of ladies in bathing suits dancing to bad music."

Rotta gave a scream that echoed around the palace, followed by several curses in Huttese. The women stopped dancing and the band stopped playing, all glaring at Melda.

"The Mighty Rotta demands that the girl apologize at once," the protocol droid said.

"Why?" said Melda, her nose turned upward, and her arms folded.

Rotta said something harsh, which the droid translated as, "Because the Great Rotta will imprison you if you do not."

"WHAT?" Ryo exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "No one touches my Melda, you hear?" He stormed up to the Hutt. "Not even some big stinky Hutt."

Rotta gasped, along with his dancers, his musicians, and almost everyone else.

Han grinned up at the Hutt. "Well, _Mighty _Rotta, if you wanna imprison this guy and his bratty daughter, you can bet I'll support you."

Ms. Tano stood up and patted the Hutt's back. "Now come on Rotta, this girl and her father are in my charge. If you imprisoned them, I'd get in trouble with the girl's mother for not bringing them home safely. You don't want Aunty Soka to get in trouble, do you?"

The Hutt seemed to ponder this for a while before nuzzling against Ms. Tano's arm and purring in Huttese.

"The Amazing Rotta says that for his Aunty Soka's sake, he will not imprison the girl," the droid translated. "However, I would heartily advise apologizing to him anyway. It will improve your favor with The Incredible Rotta."

Melda sighed loudly. "_Fine, _I'm _sorry."_

"Great!" Ms. Tano exclaimed. "Now we can watch the rest of the dance!"

Leia groaned.

. . .

Amazingly, the group managed to get through the day without anyone being imprisoned, even with Tad insisting that Han take at least ten holos of him with the frozen Han replica and Allura and Kai getting into a fight that involved pulling each other's headstalks. Despite the fact that they kept their skins intact, Leia and Han were still on edge until they were safely back at the hotel and they were sure none of Rotta's servants had followed them.

"Mom," Jaina asked at dinner, "we're going to the holoarcade tonight, right?"

"HOLOARCADE?" Jacen, Anakin, and Tad exclaimed together.

"Yeah," said Kai. "Too bad _you guys _get locked in your room."

"But that's not _fair!" _cried Anakin. "_Dad's_ the one who took us to the cantina!"

Han rolled his eyes.

"Yeah," said Jacen. "Why should _we_ miss out on the holoarcade cause of something _Dad _did?"

"Cause it was _your _idea," Han muttered.

Leia gave a light sigh. "Well, you'd have to talk to Ms. Tano about that."

"Talk to me about what?" asked the teacher, passing their table with perfect timing as usual.

"We wanna go to the holoarcade!" Anakin piped up.

"Ooooh," Ms. Tano said in a knowing voice. "Well I'm afraid your father's punishment is still in effect."

"But can't _we_ go?" begged Jacen, making his eyes big, though not as big as Anakin could make his. "Dad's the one being punished, right?"

"Pleeeeeeaaaaaasssee?" Anakin was doing the eye thing that made it almost impossible to resist his requests.

Ms. Tano smiled down at the children. "Well, I suppose that if your mother were willing, she could take you all to the holoarcade while your father stays in your room."

"YEAH!" Jacen, Anakin, and Tad shouted at once.

"But wait," Tad said after a moment, "can't Han go?"

"You call him _Mr. Solo_, Tad, and no, he can't go," said Ms. Tano, folding her arms. "Punishments are useless if they're lifted because of a little inconvinience, you know that. If I gave a student detention and then lifted it because he wanted to play in the holoarcade, that wouldn't teach him much, would it?"

"Yeah," Han muttered, "cause after all, it's _your _job to teach me."

Ms. Tano shot a tiny glare at Han before continuing. "If he just gets his punishment lifted, he'll never learn not to take younglings to a cantina."

"Now WAIT a sec!" Han exclaimed, leaping to his feet. "Where the hell were _you _when we were fightin' in the war? Oh right, hiding."

"And where were _you _when I was fighting in the Clone Wars?" Ms. Tano snapped back. "Oh right, you were a youngling yourself, and undoubtedly a troublemaker. No wonder you're in such desperate need of discipline now."

Han grumbled several things Ms. Tano would scold him for if she were able to hear them.

. . .

As was planned, Han was locked in his room after dinner while Leia took Jaina, Jacen, Anakin, Tad, Kai, and Allura to the holoarcade, all of whom had a bunch of coins jingling in their pockets. _It's all right, Leia,_ she thought to herself. _You're just in charge of six kids at a holoarcade, what could go wrong?_

The holoarcade was dim and noisy, with games lined up in several rows that branched out and crisscrossed with nothing that resembled a logical layout. Once the group entered the room, the children scattered so fast that Leia could have sworn that they teleported away. After rolling her eyes, the princess went looking for them, figuring that she would be running after them the entire time they were here.

She found Allura by the prize stand, staring longingly up at a toy X-Wing hanging from the ceiling. "Mrs. Organa Solo," said, yanking on Leia's arm with one hand and pointing up at the X-Wing with the other, "I wanna get that!"

Leia figured this was better than the girl throwing a tantrum, so she asked the man running the stand, "Excuse me, how much is that X-Wing?"

The man smirked. "Sorry, it's not for sale. You've gotta win 500 tickets to get that."

Allura began yanking on Leia's arm again. "Then come _on,_ I gotta win 500 tickets!"

Leia rolled her eyes again as Allura dragged her into the sea of games.

. . .

Leia and Allura found Kai pounding away at the Whack-A-Wampa game, beating up on the Wampas as if they were real instead of little replicas.

"Hey Kai," said Allura, "what'cha doing?"

"Shut UP!" Kai snapped, not taking her eyes off the Wampas popping in and out of their cave-holes. "Must . . . beat . . . high . . . score!"

"Can you win tickets from this game?" asked Allura.

"Yeah," said Kai, still whacking away, "and I'm gonna win the most tickets and get that X-Wing at the prize stand."

"But _I_ want that X-Wing!" Allura shouted.

Kai dove on top of the Wampas who were all popping out at once. "Well _I _want it more and _I'm_ gonna get it, so there!"

"NOT IF I GET IT FIRST!" Allura yelled.

"Guys . . . I'm sure they have more than one X-Wing," said Leia, but of course the sisters either didn't hear her or refused to listen to her.

Kai was pounding the Wampas with both hands and her head. "I'm gonna win more tickets than you!"

"No you're not!" With that, Allura grabbed her sister's headstalks and yanked back, causing Kai to cry out and miss the Wampas, ending her game.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" Kai yelled, attracting the attention of the other arcade patrons.

"All RIGHT, you two," Leia said, putting her hands on their shoulders to keep them from attacking each other. "Now you don't want to get thrown out of here, do you? If either of you want even the _slightest _chance of winning that X-Wing, you'll calm down right now, understand?"

The sisters gave Leia their customary glares, but after a moment they did nod.

"Good," said Leia, letting go of them. "Now let's go find the others."

. . .

They found Jacen and Anakin at one of the claw machines, each of whom already had an armful of toys from the machine, despite the fact that claw machines were designed to tantalize children with the promise of a prize and then cheat them out of their money.

"Hey Mom!" Anakin called, holding up a toy bantha while nearly dropping the three other toys in his arms. "Look what I got!"

"I . . . see," said Leia, looking from Anakin to Jacen and back again. "You used the Force to get those, didn't you?"

"Of _course,_" said Jacen. "How _else_ were we supposed to get any prizes?"

"Can I have one?" Allura asked.

"No," said Jacen. "We won them fair and square!"

"No you didn't!" snapped Kai. "You cheated!"

"That MACHINE'S the one that cheats!" said Anakin, smirking at her.

"But I WANT one!" Allura's eye were already filling with tears.

Leia sighed. "Look, if you each give me one of your coins I'll use the Force to win each of you one of those toys."

"Why should we give you OUR coins?" Kai's face was horrified, as if Leia had asked her to give up a body part.

Leia took a deep breath, folding her hands in an attempt to be inviting. "_Because _Jacen and Anakin got those prizes with _their _coins and it wouldn't be fair if you got extras."

"You're not getting MY coins!" shouted Allura, squeezing her pockets as if she thought Leia would steal her precious money.

"Fine," said Leia. "Then you can miss out on the prize."

"You're MEAN!" the two sisters yelled together.

Leia sighed. "I'm going to find Jaina and Tad. You can come if you want."

Allura kept glaring up at Leia, but she followed, perhaps because she still had her heart set on winning the X-Wing before her sister and she thought Leia's Force abilities might still come in handy.

. . .

Tad and Jaina were at the Dance Dance Rebellion game, which made Leia flinch slightly before approaching them. She had heard that a game company was using their images for a dancing game, but she had never seen the results. Actually, she had been trying to _avoid _seeing the results since they were sure to be the cringe-inducing kind of embarrassing.

"Hey Mom!" Jaina called, waving over at her. "Come look!"

Leia reluctantly approached her daughter. She and Tad were between levels, scrolling through the available Rebellion heroes and Empire villains that were available to play. "Come on Mom, come _on!_" said Jaina.

"This is the _best game ever!"_ Tad squealed, which could only mean that Han was somehow involved.

Sure enough, there was a pair of Han holograms in front of them, one for each player, spreading out their arms as if inviting the kids to dance (which of course they were). Jaina and Tad were grinning, bouncing slightly as they prepared to dance.

Once the dance started, Leia couldn't keep her eyes from bulging. She wasn't sure which was stranger - the dancing Han holos or the song with the chorus that went, "I'm Solo, I'm Han Solo, I'm Han Solo, I'm Han Solo, Solo . . ." Jaina and Tad were singing along, keeping in steps with the dance moves that had names like, "Trash Compactor" and "Solo Pose." Leia didn't know whether to blush in embarrassment or start laughing.

"Wasn't that _aweseome?" _Tad exclaimed once the song was over.

"It was . . . interesting," said Leia.

"Mom, look at _your _level!" said Jaina, inserting a coin and scrolling to Leia's image. Once Jaina selected the level, two holos of Leia in the slave bikini from Jabba's palace popped up, causing the real Leia's eyes to bulge.

"WHY DOES EVERYTHING THAT USES MY IMAGE PUT ME IN THAT STUPID BIKINI?!" Leia yelled, causing everyone at the nearby games to turn heads.

"_Mom_," said Jaina, already dancing with her mother's mostly-naked image, "you're making me break step!"

Leia sighed and took Allura's hand. "Come on Allura, let's find something to help you win that X-Wing." _And get me as far away from that game as possible, _she thought.

. . .

"Mrs. Organa Solo," said Allura, "do Jaina and Tad like each other?"

Leia was looking among the games, trying to find one where it might be somewhat easy to win 500 tickets. "Well of course they do," she said. "I mean, they seem to be friends and all."

"No," said Allura. "Do they _like_ like each other?"

Leia breathed in through her teeth. "Aren't you a little young to talk about that?"

Allura ignored her, instead skipping up to a game. "I wanna play this!"

The game in question consisted of a holographic ball covered with different numbers and a single button. The numbers on the ball would highlight in rapid succession (with a string of loud beeps) and apparently whichever number was highlighted when the player pressed the button would be the number of tickets they'd get.

"_This _will be easy to win," said Allura, and sure enough, there was the number 500 in the assortment of numbers. She inserted a coin and positioned her hand over the button, tensed up for when the critical number would highlight, and Leia hoped for both their sakes that she'd get it.

Allura hit the button.

And the machine spit out two tickets.

"WHAT?" Allura yelled.

Leia took a deep breath, attempting to send Allura soothing thoughts through the Force, though it didn't seem to be working. "It's okay, Allura," she said as sweetly as possible, "you can try again."

So Allura tried again, and again, and again, but every time she fell just short of the 500 and got just two tickets. After the fifth try, she kicked the machine and immediately burst into tears. "I CAN'T DO IT!" she sobbed.

Leia quickly put one hand on the little girl's shoulder and used the other to wipe her eyes. "Allura, Allura, you can't kick the machine like that, you might break it."

"Well it DESERVES to be broken when it won't give me my tickets!" Allura wailed.

Leia sighed. "Look, how about I try it? Maybe with my Jedi reflexes I can get you those tickets."

"I'm NOT giving you my coins!" said Allura, folding her arms.

"Do you want the X-Wing or not?"

Allura glared up at her for a moment, but then with a sigh she reached into her pocket and gave Leia a coin. "Okay, get me those tickets."

Leia breathed in as she inserted the coin, letting the Force flow through her. She watched the highlighting numbers dance around the sphere, then when the Force told her to do so, she pushed the button.

And once again got two tickets.

"WHAT?" Leia shouted, almost in exactly the same manner as Allura. "But . . . how . . . the Force!"

"THIS GAME CHEATS!" Allura yelled.

"Let me try that again," said Leia, this time putting one of her own coins in the machine.

. . .

Allura and Leia took turns on the game until they both ran out of coins, and all the tickets accumulated was only enough for a small novelty bracelet, which of course made Allura break down crying. She was still crying when they regrouped with the others and kept crying all the way to Han's room, where Ms. Tano was waiting for them at the door.

"Have you been _guarding _Han all this time?" Leia asked in exasperation.

Ms. Tano ignored her, instead stooping down to Allura's level. "Allura sweetie, what's wrong?"

"The game cheated!" Allura wailed. "I wanted to win this cool X-Wing but all I could get was this stupid bracelet!" She held up the hand where the offending item was around her wrist.

"Well that's a very _pretty _bracelet," Ms. Tano cooed, stroking the prize. "You don't have to cry about it."

"Yeah," said Kai. "You think _you _got it bad? _I _only got enough tickets for a piece of candy!"

"You got CANDY?" Allura sobbed louder. "_I_ didn't get enough tickets for candy!"

"Mom, can we go to our room now?" said Anakin. "They're getting too _loud!"_

"_Tell _me about it," muttered Jaina.

"Well, can they?" asked Leia.

After wiping Allura's eyes, Ms. Tano stood back up. "Of course," she said, unlocking Han's door.

Once in the room, the group found Han slumped over his bed, snoring loudly. Leia was about to whisper to the kids that they shouldn't wake him, but Jaina leaped onto the bed before she could do so.

"DAD!" she yelled, shaking her father. "Dad, Dad, wake up!"

"Whaaa?" Han slurred, blinking up at his daughter.

"Dad, guess what, you and Mom are in a dancing game!"

Han raised his eyebrow at Leia, indicating that he had no idea what Jaina was talking about.

"Yeah!" said Tad, leaping onto the bed next to Jaina. "You should play it, Han, it's AWESOME just like you!"

"Dancing . . . game?" Han asked.

"Uh, yeah," said Leia. "Remember how that game company was interested in using our images?"

"Uh . . ."

"You don't remember, do you?" Leia sighed. "Well don't worry, your biggest fan will tell you all about it. Meanwhile I've got to take the girls to our room." She leaned over and kissed her husband's forehead. "Jaina, say goodbye to your father."

"Bye Dad!" said Jaina, jumping off the bed and joining Leia, Kai and Allura, who was of course still sobbing.

Once they were gone, Han turned to his sons and Tad, all of whom had mischievous smiles on their faces.

"All right, what's this dance game I'm hearin' about?"


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Gah, SORRY I took so long! I got sick and school started again so I went back to teaching and all that. Well, I knew for a long time that I wanted the group to go to a museum of some kind, but for a long time, but I wasn't sure about the details. Then I went to the Ripley's Believe It Or Not on the boardwalk and inspiration struck.

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 11

_Day Five_

The next morning, there was even more chatter than usual at the hotel restaurant. The adults (including the ones who worked at the restaurant) all seemed relieved that the group would be going home tomorrow, but the kids were of course lamenting.

"Why can't we stay longer?" Anakin was asking.

"Because tonight's the last night we have rooms reserved," said Leia.

"But Ms. Tano could make our reservations last another day," said Jaina, peeling the wrapper off her muffin. "We never got to see Obi-Wan's house, remember?"

"Well Ms. Tano would have to pay extra money then," said Leia.

"Can't _you _pay for another night?" asked Tad, stroking Han's arm. "You guys are super rich, after all."

"No!" Leia and Han exclaimed together.

"Not fair!" said Kai.

"Look, we're not leaving until tomorrow," said Leia, trying to calm the mood before she got the Twi'lek girls yelling at her. "We've still got the museum to visit, that'll be fun."

"Museums are _boring!_" said Allura, folding her arms.

"This one isn't," said Leia. "It's full of all sorts of weird and unusual things."

"Boooor-ing," said Allura.

"Say Han," said Tad, pulling on his hero's arm, "before we leave, you've _got _to play the dancing game!"

"You know I'm gonna be locked up again tonight," said Han.

"Then let's go play NOW!" said Tad, now yanking at Han's arm.

"Yeah Dad," said Jaina, suddenly yanking on Han's other arm, "you've _got _to play it!"

Han looked at his wife for support, but she just gave him a sheepish grin.

"I think you should go do as your fan says, Han," she said. "Better than causing yet another scene." She then leaned over to whisper in his ear. "Besides, if I have to endure the embarrassment, so do you."

. . .

The children were even louder than usual as they got out of the shuttle. It took Ms. Tano at least ten minutes to get them to line up and at least ten more minutes to get them to be quiet, by which time the adults were of course soaked in their sweat.

"Younglings, younglings," said Ms. Tano, "remember this is a museum. It's a very unusual museum, but it's still a museum - which means we look but we don't touch."

"Awwww," several kids cried.

"Can't we touch a _little _bit?" asked Niko, pinching two fingers together.

"No," said Ms. Tano. "Now if you don't want to behave, you can wait in the shuttle, is that what you want?"

"No, Ms. Tano," the kids chimed in unison.

"Good," said the teacher.

Leia shuffled up to her husband. "So, how was the game?" she said, barely able to keep herself from grinning.

She was expecting a grimace, but instead Han actually grinned back at her. "I dunno why you were so sensitive about it, sweetheart. It was pretty neat."

"Neat?"

"Sure," said Han. "That song captured all my great ponts and your level . . ." He pointed a cheeky finger at her. ". . . your level was _hot._"

Leia's jaw dropped. "What . . . how dare you . . ."

"What?" said Han, putting his arm around her shoulders. "I can't say my wife's hot?"

Kai prevented Leia from responding by screaming, "Ms. Tano, Niko's cutting!"

"No I didn't!" Niko protested.

"Yes he did!" Kai insisted. "He's trying to get in first and hog all the good stuff for himself!"

Niko growled at her. "She's lying! She just wants to go in first so _she _can get all the good stuff!"

Ms. Tano took a deep breath. "O-KAY, it doesn't matter where you are in line. _Everyone _has a ticket, so _everyone _will get in, and there's pleanty of good stuff for _everyone_. Okay? Okay. Now come on, let's go."

As the line proceeded into the museum, the kids were chatting with each other and Ms. Tano wasn't even bothering to quiet them. Once each child had his or her ticket scanned, he or she immediately zipped off to one of the exhibits - and there were at least ten different exhibits in the first room, which meant the children were scattered yet again.

"Younglings, this isn't how we behave at a museum, you know better," Ms. Tano called out, but it went unheard. She repeated her call, but once again the children either didn't hear her or chose to ignore her. When it became obvious that the teacher wasn't going to succeed in rounding the children up, the parents scattered as well, mostly going after their own children and whoever happened to be with them. Of course, that was rather difficult with the Solos, since they had three kids running around.

Leia found Jaina at a miniature exhibit of a pod race where the pods were around a centimeter long. "Mom, look!" she said, "Watch this!" She pushed a button on the side of the display and the tiny pod racers began flying around the miniature arena. "Isn't that cool?"

"Yeah," said Leia, "but we need to regroup now so we can see the rest of the museum."

"Aww, but _Mom . . ."_

"Sorry," said Leia, taking her daughter's hand, "but the chaperones have to listen to the teacher."

She led her daughter away from the miniature pod race and to the adjacent exhibit, which was a trivia game of some sort where Kai was eagerly pressing the buttons and Allura was fussing that she wanted a turn.

"Mrs. Organa Solo," Allura said when she saw Leia, "tell Kai it's my turn!"

"Not until I finish!" Kai wailed.

"Kai, Allura," Leia said after taking a deep breath, "Ms. Tano wants you to round up."

"Let me finish!" cried Kai.

"No, I need a turn!" cried Allura, looking ready to yank her sister's headstalks yet again.

Leia leaned over to Kai's level. "You'll probably get to finish later, but right now Ms. Tano wants everyone to come with her."

"Get outta my face!" Kai said with a snarl.

"Hey," said Leia, "we don't talk like that."

"Leave me _alone!"_ Kai shouted.

Allura's eyes were already welling up. "But _I_ didn't get a turn!"

"Guys, guys," said Jaina, putting her hands on their shoulders. "Just let it go, okay? Trust me, it's not worth it with my mom."

"Yes, it's not worth it with . . . hey!" Leia exclaimed, glaring at her daughter.

Jaina gave her mother an innocent grin. "What?"

. . .

When Leia and the girls caught up with Han, he had of course found Tad (or more likely Tad had found him) and he was trying to pry Jacen and Anakin away from a small scale.

"Come on Dad!" Jacen was wailing. "Just one more try? I wanna see how much I weigh on Teth."

"No," said Han.

Leia waved at her husband and sons. "Hey," she said. "What's going on?"

"This scale shows you how much you weigh on different planets," said Jacen. "But Dad won't give us anymore credits to use it!"

"Oooh, can I try it?" asked Jaina.

"No," said Han. "Cause we've gotta go meet with your teacher before she comes here and yells at all of us."

"She's already here," said a voice.

The two adults and six kids whirled around to find Ms. Tano staring at them, her hands on her hips, her right foot tapping on the floor.

"I'm disappointed," the teacher said. "You all know better than to go running off like that."

"Sorry, Ms. Tano," the kids said in unison.

"Good," said Ms. Tano.

The Solos and their roommates followed the teacher to the rest of the group, though Kai and Allura were still hissing insults at each other and Jacen was still grumbling about wanting to use the scale again.

"All right everyone," said Ms. Tano, "are we all here? Good." She clasped her hands and rubbed her palms together in excitement. "Now as you've already seen, this isn't your ordinary museum. We're about to experience all kinds of interesting things, but first we must go through . . . the TUNNEL OF DOOM!"

She stepped aside and gestured at the door behind her, which was indeed labelled, "TUNNEL OF DOOM!"

"The Tunnel of WHAT?" a father exclaimed.

"Don't worry," said Ms. Tano, pointing to the right. "If you don't want to go through the Tunnel of Doom, you can take the Coward's Way."

"What?" a mother exclaimed. "You're making fun of people who don't want to go through the tunnel? What kind of teacher ARE you?"

"No no," said Ms. Tano, holding up her hands. "The museum is."

The group looked to the side and just as Ms. Tano had said, there was another, smaller door labelled "Coward's Way," which was presumably an alternate route for those who didn't want to go through the tunnel.

"Hey _Jacen,"_ Melda called. "Bet you're gonna take the _Coward's Way, _aren't ya?"

"No!" Jacen shouted, though he was trembling a little.

Melda grinned at him. "Jacen's afraid of the tunnel!" she said in a singsongy voice. "Jacen's afraid of the tunnel!"

"No I'm NOT!" Jacen screamed.

"Prove it!" Melda stuck her tongue out at Jacen, which of course went completely unnoticed by her father.

"Fine!"

Leia quickly bent down to her son's level. "Jacen sweetheart, you don't have to go through the tunnel if you don't have to. Don't let Melda dictate your actions."

"But you heard what she said!" protested Jacen. "She'll think I'm a coward if I don't go through the tunnel!"

"Come on, younglings!" Ms. Tano was saying.

Leia patted her son on the back. "Sweetheart, it doesn't matter what she thinks. What matters is what _you_ want to do."

"Yeah," said Jacen, "and I _want _to go in the tunnel because I _don't _want Melda to think I'm a coward."

"That's not exactly what I meant," said Leia, but the children were lining up, preventing her from saying anything else. As it turned out, no one, child or adult, opted to take the "Coward's Way." There was probably more peer pressure going on than anyone cared to admit.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Sorry I took so long to update! I was doing NaNoWriMo, but then an error on my computer destroyed my novel file. :( So anyway, thanks as always for reviewing. Oh, and this fic is ignoring the whole makeing-an-evil-Luke-clone-from-his-hand shit that happened in the EU (actually, most of my fics ignore EVERYTHING in the EU except the Solo kids).

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 12

"Is the room moving or are we?" a child asked.

Leia honestly couldn't tell. The tunnel was shaped like a huge barrel that was rotating around them, the only light being the long streaks of neon purple around the tunnel. They had to cross the tunnel on a narrow railed bridge that forced them to walk single file, but it seemed to be tilting under their feet. Leia could feel the floor sliding under her - she was sure that were it not for the rails everyone would be stumbling all over each other.

"I'm _scared!"_ Allura cried. "I wanna go back!"

"Of course _you _do," said Kai.

"Come on, come on," said Ms. Tano. "We're almost through, younglings."

There was a lot of shrieking, both from children and adults, as they inched through the tunnel, tightly gripping the rails lest the law of gravity suddenly reverse and send them flying.

"I'M GONNA HUUUURL!" Niko screamed.

Once they finally emerged from the tunnel, many of the adults immediately charged for the conveniently placed refreshers. Even Han looked a little green. Leia's head was spinning, but fortunately she didn't feel in danger of losing her breakfast.

"Let's do that again!" Allura chirpped.

"_What?"_ Leia exclaimed. "I thought you were scared."

"That's why I wanna do it again," said Allura, as if the reason was obvious.

"All right, all right younglings," said Ms Tano. "Now, in this room you'll find all kinds of unusual artwork . . ." She was unable to say anything more before the kids scattered again. "YOUNGLINGS!" she called, but of course none of the children acknowledged her presence.

"No point in shouting, lady," said Han. "They ain't gonna listen here."

Ms. Tano put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "All right then, how about _you_ try handling them?"

Han grinned at her. "You wanna know the best way to handle kids? The best way to handle them is to _not _handle 'em!"

"What?"

Leia rolled her eyes. "Oh great, here he goes."

"The more you tell kids _not _to do somethin', the more they wanna do it," said Han. "So what's the point of always tellin' them to do or not to do stuff when you know they're gonna ignore you anyway?"

"Is this another excuse for taking the younglings to that cantina?" Ms. Tano said, glaring at him. "I haven't forgotten about that, you know."

"That's his excuse for a lot of things," Leia muttered, but fortunately, Jacen came running up to them, effectively ending the conversation.

"Mom! Dad!" Jacen cried out, his eyes tearing up.

"What is it, sweetheart?" said Leia.

"Melda told her dad that I was saying mean things to her and he got all mad at me!"Jacen sobbed.

"WHAT?" Leia and Han exclaimed together.

"C'mon Jacen," Han said, grabbing his son's hand. "Old Dad's gonna show 'im a thing or two."

. . .

Han and Jacen found Melda and her father by a picture of a taun-taun made out of candy wrappers. "That thing's _ugly,_" Melda was saying. "Who'd wanna make a picture out of trash?"

"Ha, _there _you are!" said Han, storming up to them.

Ryo turned around to face Han, groaning as he did so. "You again?

"Yeah, me again," said Han, pointing an angry finger at him. "Look, I don't care if you spoil your kid rotten and make her grow up to be miserable when she finds out the world ain't gonna be handed to her, but you got NO RIGHT to discipline my kid!"

Ryo smirked. "So are _you _actually disciplining your kid, or are you training him to be a smuggler too?"

Han ground his teeth, still pointing at Melda's father. "Look, you and your _precious_ daughter have been spreadin' lies since day one. Leia and me have _tried _to be nice about it, but we ain't gonna tolerate you pickin' on Jacen like this."

"Well I'M not gonna tolerate your _precious _son picking on my daughter!" shouted Ryo.

Suddenly Han felt Jaina tapping on his side. "Hey Dad!" she exclaimed. "You gotta see this!"

"Not now, sweetheart," said Han. "Dad's in the middle of a fight with a moron."

"But Dad," said Jaina, pulling on her father's hand, "it's the FALCON!"

That was the magic word. "What, the FALCON?" Han exclaimed. "Why didn't ya say so?"

"But Dad," said Jacen, "aren't you gonna kick Melda's dad's butt?"

"Hold on a sec," said Han, allowing Jacen to lead him away from the fight. "I gotta see this."

Jaina yanked him a few exhibits down, and there it was. A perfect model of Han's beloved ship made out of ice cream sticks. A large grin stretched Han's face without any conscious decision to grin.

"Now _that's _art!" he exclaimed.

"Okay," said Jacen, "now can you go kick Melda's dad's butt now?"

"Later," said Han. "I gotta look at this."

"Isn't it _awesome, _Han?" asked Tad, who was staring at the sculpture as spellbound as Han. "Hey, after we get home could you take me for a ride on the real one?"

"Maybe," said Han, only half-listening, hardly noticing Jacen yanking at his hand.

"Dad, can you _please _kick Melda's dad's butt now?"

Han hardly heard his son. He probably would have stared at the Falcon sculpture for hours if it weren't for Ms. Tano screaming her "ATTENTION!" so loudly that it probably made half the museum patrons go deaf. With great effort, Han managed to pull himself away from the exhibit and drag himself towards the teacher.

"Younglings, you know better," Ms. Tano was saying as the students and parents gathered around her. "If this is how you're going to behave, we don't have to go on any more field trips."

"Good!" said Melda. "I hate this stinking trip! Jacen's been _mean _to me this whole time!"

"I have _not!" _shouted Jacen.

"Younglings!" Ms Tano called again. "If you're going to keep acting like this, you can all go back to the shuttle. Do you want that?"

"Yes!" said Melda, but her voice was drowned out by the rest of the kids answering in the negative.

"Well then, you need to _behave!" _said Ms. Tano.

Han groaned. "Look lady, you've given this same speech _how _many times?"

"_Han!"_ Leia hissed.

Han ignored his wife. "And how many times've they listened to you? Seems to me that you've gotta consider a new strategy."

"And what _kind_ of strategy would you suggest, Mr. Solo?" Ms. Tano glared at him. "Would you have me simply ignore them? Oh wait, _you _probably would."

"You're ingnorin' them right now," Han reminded her with a smirk.

Sure enough, now that the adults had been engaged in conversation for a full thirty seconds, the children had started up their ear-numbing chatter again.

"YOUNGLINGS!" Ms. Tano screeched, but of course they didn't quiet down. "YOUNGLINGS!"

"SHUSH!" Kai screamed, far louder than Ms. Tano could. "CAN'T YOU SEE MS. TANO WANTS YOU TO BE QUIET?"

"_YOU_ BE QUIET!" Melda shouted back.

"SHUSH!" Kai responded, still at the top of her small lungs. "MS. TANO WANTS US TO STOP TALKING!"

"THEN BE QUIET!" Melda yelled.

"I AM BEING QUIET!" yelled Kai. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S NOT BEING QUIET!"

By now both Leia and Han were rolling their eyes and shaking their heads. This was going to be a long day, even by this trip's standards.

. . .

The group had seen a stuffed Wampa, a giant ball of string that was supposedly the galaxy's largest, and a bunch of other strange exhibits, but no matter how weird something was, it never seemed to hold the children's attention for long. Han, Leia, and the other chaperones were forever chasing down kids who had strayed from the pack and breaking up fights.

"All right younglings," Ms. Tano said as they entered the room dedicated to the macabre, sounding like she was struggling to keep herself under control, "I'm sure THIS will interest you."

"Don't bet on it," said Han.

"Oh, THIS will!" said Ms. Tano, wilding gesturing at a glass case. "Younglings, here you will see a genuine mummified hand - and not just ANY hand, oh no, this is the hand of Luke Skywalker himself."

"WHAT?" Leia and Han exclaimed in unison.

The group gathered around the case in which a wrinkled severed hand was displayed. Several kids exclaimed, "Eeeew!" while others exclaimed, "Cool!" and Leia and Han simply stared at the hand with bulged eyes.

"Han!" said Tad, pulling on Han's arm. "Is that _really _your brother-in-law's hand?"

"How should I know, kid?" said Han. "One hand looks pretty much like another, but I don't think Luke would want his hand displayed in a museum."

"I _hope _he wouldn't," said Leia.

"Maybe Uncle Luke doesn't _know _about it," said Jaina. "Maybe some crook stole it and sold it to the museum."

"Then Uncle Luke should SUE!" said Jacen.

"Yeah!" said Anakin before making his way to the teacher. "Ms. Tano, could you help my uncle sue the museum people for taking his hand?"

Ms. Tano gave an amused grin. "Well Ani, I believe your uncle actually _gave _his hand to the museum."

"Why would Uncle Luke give his hand to a museum?" Jacen asked, making a disgusted face. "Wouldn't he wanna just throw it away?"

"Maybe they paid him," said Kai.

Allura's eyes widened. "So if I cut off my hand and gave it to a museum, they'd pay me?"

"Course not, stupid," said Kai. "You gotta be famous for that."

"I hope you _wouldn't_ cut off your hand," said Ms. Tano. "Your hands are too useful to be cut off."

"But I could get a robot hand like Luke Skywalker," said Allura.

Ms. Tano flinched, as if she worried that she would be held responsible if Allura decided to cut off her hand. "Allura . . . sweetheart, it would hurt to cut off your hand. A lot. I mean, _really _a lot. Do you really want to go through all that pain?"

Allura twisted her mouth, as if she were weighing the benefits and drawbacks of cutting off her own hand, taking several seconds to answer. "Fine," she said with what sounded like disappointment, "I guess I'll find some other way to make money."

Meanwhile Han had his nose pressed against the glass, scrutinizing the hand within. "That can't _really _be the kid's hand," he said. "C'mon, he wouldn't _actually _sell his hand to a museum. Sides, it fell down the shaft at Bespin, didn't it?"

Leia shrugged. "Who knows, maybe he went looking for it or something. Or maybe Lando found it and sent it to him."

Jaina was grinning as she stared at the hand. "Well when we get home, let's have a long talk with Uncle Luke, okay?"


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm sorry this chapter took so long (again). Anyway, there will probably be one or two more chapters. I've got a great big SW fanfic project that I want to start soon, so hopefully this will be finished before long.

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 13

"There's a statue of a guy _peeing _in that refresher!"

Niko ran out of the refresher pointing an excited finger at the door. "I'm serious, there's a statue of a guy peeing! You can hear it and everything!"

Nothing summoned the children as reliably as bodily functions. They all immediately dashed towards the refresher door and crowded around it, pushing each other in order to get a glimpse of the statue. Sure enough, there was a statue of a man, standing over a urinal with his back to them, his pants sagging and giving everyone a glimpse of his bare bottom. The perfectly-replicated sound of urinating came out of speakers hidden somewhere in the refresher.

"That's _disgusting!_" a mother exclaimed.

"That's _awesome!" _chimed several of the children.

"All right, all right!" said Ms. Tano. "That's enough!"

Despite their teacher's calling, the children were still crowded around the refresher, exchanging various refresher jokes.

"Maybe they should put those statues on every corner," said Han. "I bet that'd herd them along."

"Dad," said Anakin, "how come Niko's allowed to talk about the statue peeing but I can't say I have to pee on the shuttle?"

"What, you're bringin' _that _up again?"

Meanwhile Leia stood off to the side, positioning herself as far away from the refresher as she could get without losing sight of the group, concentrating on restraining the urge to vomit. Since everyone else seemed to be either observing the statue or commenting on it, Jacen was the only one who noticed his mother straying from the group.

"Hey Mom, what's up?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing," said Leia. "Just trying to get away from that stupid statue."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Jacen. "Why's everyone so excited about a peeing guy?"

"I don't know," said Leia. "I was never like that when I was a kid. Your dad probably was, but I wasn't."

Just then Ms. Tano clapped her hands so loudly and rapidly that she sounded like she was applauding something. "All right class, ENOUGH! I am _very _ashamed of this. You all know better."

"But the guy was _peeing!"_ Niko said.

"And every single one of you also uses the refresher," said Ms. Tano. "It's part of our biology. There's no reason to get so out of control over it."

"So you don't want us to get out of control peeing?" said Niko, which made the kids explode in laughter.

"YOUNGLINGS!" Ms. Tano shrieked. "YOU. KNOW. BETTER. Now I want you to get in a line and follow me to the next room, or you'll all be going back to the shuttle RIGHT NOW. Understand?"

"Yes, Ms. Tano," the kids said in unison, and all of a sudden they lined up like proper students, though they still had to wait a few minutes to go to the next room, since several of the adults suddenly had to use the refresher for some reason.

. . .

The next room was simply called the "Shadow Room." It was a large, square room with gray walls and dim light that caused several kids to bump into each other.

"What's _this _place supposed to be?" said Kai, her voice echoing against the walls.

"Oh, you're going to have _fun_ here!" squealed Ms. Tano. "Everybody, I want you to stand against the wall and strike a pose - the sillier the better. Chaperones, you too!"

"What?" exclaimed Han. "I ain't doin' that!"

Leia took his hand. "Han, come on, we've done sillier things for the kids."

"Yeah, well that was in the privacy of our home."

"Really?" Leia said with a smug grin. "What about the time you sang all fifteen verses of 'Let's Go To The Hutt Picnic' at the twins' fifth birthday party?"

"I thought we agreed not to mention that," Han muttered through his teeth.

Leia laughed as she made her way to the wall, and after a quick gesture to her husband, he followed.

"Come on, honey," she said, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him up to the wall. "How about an _interesting _position?"

Han broke into a grin, suddenly not so concerned about embarrassing himself. "Oh, I know _lots_ of interesting positions."

"Yes, yes, but let's keep it child-friendly." With that, Leia pulled Han up to her and gave his lips a long kiss, prompting a chorus of "eeewwww" from the kids.

"All right, younglings, hold your pose!" Ms. Tano called. "When I push this button, you'll get a surprise!"

The children did so, and suddenly there was a dinging noise and a flash that illuminated the entire room and made spots dance in front of every eye.

"Why didn't you _warn _us about that?" Ryo gasped, rubbing his eyes. "Melda, if that flash made you blind, Dad will make sure to sue the teacher."

"Oh come on," said Ms. Tano. "Stop being overdramatic and look."

The group stepped away from the walls and there were their sihlloettes, frozen on the gray background. Leia and Han kissing, Jaina standing on one leg, Jacen with his hands on his hips, Anakin waving his hands over his head, Allura pulling Kai's headstalks, Tad gripping Han's waist from behind, and various other poses.

"That's IT?" said Melda. "That's the big surpise?"

"Yup!" said Ms. Tano. "Isn't it cool?"

"It's LAME!" said Melda. "I thought we'd get candy or something."

"_I _think it's cool," said Jaina. "Kinda like taking your holo, but instead of taking your holo it takes your shadow."

"Exactly," said Ms. Tano. "It's _science."_

"It's _still _lame," said Melda. "Dad, can we go somewhere away from all this _lameness?"_

"I'd love to, sweetheart," said Ryo, "but unfortunately, we've still got to endure the rest of this museum."

Han ground his teeth, but Leia kissed him again before he could say anything to Ryo.

. . .

"When can we _eat?"_ Kai was asking as they entered the room dedicated to mutations. "I'm _starving!"_

"Me too!" said Allura. "I want _food!"_

Of course, hearing about food made the other children decide they were hungry as well. They erupted into a chorus of asking Ms. Tano if they could eat now and even a few of the parents joined in.

"Yeah, we should eat now," said Han.

Ms. Tano gave a long, frustrated sigh. "Younglings, of course we can't eat right now. We're in the middle of a museum tour, which should be interesting enough for you to wait a while for food."

"Yeah," said Jacen. "Mutations are _fascinating. _Look over here!" He ran over to a display of a stuffed wamp rat with three legs. "Look, this wamp rat was born with _three _legs! Imagine the odds of that happening."

"If 3PO were here, he'd say something like five million to one," said Jaina.

Han grinned as he strode over to the exhibit. "Naw, I'd say the odds are better than that. Actually, I hear humans can sometimes _grow _a third leg."

"Cool!" said Anakin. "I hope _I _grow a third leg!"

"Han," Leia muttered.

Tad burst out laughing before Leia could continue. "That's an _awesome_ joke, Han!" he said, slapping Han on the back. "You're the funniest person in the galaxy!"

Meanwhile Allura looked on the verge of bursting into tears again. "I don't wanna grow a third leg!"

Leia glared at her husband. "See what you did there?"

"What?" said Han.

Now Allura was whimpering as a few tears escaped her eyes. "I'm not gonna grow a third leg, am I?"

"Sure you are, stupid," said Kai. "Brats always grow them."

Allura screamed. "I don't wanna grow another leg, I DON'T WANNA GROW ANOTHER LEG!"

"Han!" said Leia, using her angry wife glare. "Apologize for your joke _now!"_

"Fine, fine," said Han, rushing to Allura's side. "Hey, hey, don't worry kid, you're not gonna grow a third leg."

Leia smiled.

"Only _humans _grow third legs," Han continued. "Tw'ileks don't."

Leia slapped her own forehead.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Thanks for reviewing! There will be one more chapter after this.

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 14

The museum's last room was devoted to the mysteries of space. The ceiling was shaped like a large dome on which images of the galaxy were projected, which made the kids scatter yet again and try to identify the various stars on the ceiling. In addition, the images also moved, which made the kids go chasing them around like animals chasing toys.

"Look, it's the Kessel Run!" Jaina shouted as she pointed up at the ceiling. "You know, my dad flew it in less than twelve parsecs!"

"Big deal," said Melda.

"It _is _a big deal!" said Jaina. "The Falcon's the only ship in the galaxy that can do that!"

"Yeah!" shouted Tad. "Don't you _dare _insult Han Solo! He's the most awesome person in the whole galaxy!"

"He's a loser," said Melda, her nose in the air.

Jaina growled. "You take that back RIGHT NOW!"

"No!" said Melda. "Your dad IS a loser."

"TAKE THAT BACK!" Jaina, Tad, and Han all shouted in unison.

"No!" Melda repeated, folding her arms and sticking out her tongue. "Your dad's a loser, loser, loser."

"Okay little girl, you asked for it!" said Han. He stormed over to Melda's father. "Mr. Arman, your daughter's being a little bitch again, and if you want my advice, I'd say spank her till her butt's red."

"What?" exclaimed Ryo. "Are you telling me your kids are spreading lies about my Melda again? Looks like _you _should spank them until _their _butts are red!"

Han ground his teeth. "Look, Leia and me don't spank, but even if we did, _your _kid's the one with the problem here, not mine."

"Well _that_ explains a lot!" said Ryo. "Maybe if you and your wife _did _spank, your kids wouldn't be such little monsters!"

Han sputtered for several moments before the kids' chanting of, "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" echoed around the room. Both fathers turned to see that Jaina and Tad had found their own solution to the problem - namely, jumping on Melda and pulling her hair.

"YEOOOOWW!" Melda shouted. "Let go of me, you morons!"

"Not until you TAKE IT BACK!" screamed Jaina, giving Melda's hair an extra yank.

"NEVER!" screamed Melda.

"YOUNGLINGS!" Ms. Tano shouted, running up to the three kids. "This is NOT how you behave in public or anywhere else, you know that! Now get up right now!"

"But Ms. Tano," Jaina protested as she scrambled to her feet, "Melda insulted my dad!"

"She insulted my hero!" protested Tad.

"NEITHER of which is an excuse for getting physical like that!" said Ms. Tano. "You BOTH know better."

"But she started it!" Jaina and Tad said in unison, both pointing at Melda.

"I don't care WHO started it!" said Ms. Tano, her hands on her hips. "We don't tackle people, you know that. I'm VERY ashamed of both of you."

"Well you should be ashamed of Melda too," said Jaina.

"Yeah, you should," said Han. "Plus you should be ashamed of her dad cause he refuses to discipline her."

Ms. Tano threw her arms in the air. "Look Mr. Solo, I've had it up to here with you and your snarky comments. You're as much trouble as _ten _younglings!"

"Well you're right about that part," said Leia. "But even so, Melda _did _provoke them. She should get the same punishment."

"_Punishment?"_ Jaina exclaimed.

"Yes Jaina, punishment," said Leia. "You _know _not to tackle people, even if they're annoying you."

"But _Mom . . ."_

"No _buts!"_ said Leia. "You will take your punishment, young lady, and if I think Ms. Tano's punishment isn't strong enough, then I'll punish you myself! Is that clear?"

"Yeeeess, Mom," Jaina said through her clenched teeth.

Ms. Tano gave a long sigh. "You know what? I think it's time to leave."

"WHAT?" the children exclaimed.

"You heard me," said Ms. Tano. "We're leaving before we get kicked out."

. . .

The plan had been to have lunch in the museum's restaruant, but thanks to the fight, they were now eating in the hotel's restaurant and all other activities were cancelled. Now they would be devoting the afternoon to packing for the trip home.

"I can't believe this," Leia said as they ate. "Jaina, you know better."

"You said that already," groaned Jaina.

"Melda _deserved _it," said Tad, who was of course sitting next to Han. "She insulted _Han Solo!"_

"Yeah!" said Jaina.

"Well _I _insult your father all the time," said Leia, "and you don't tackle me for it."

"That's different," snorted Jaina. "You insult Dad cause you love him. Melda was just being mean."

"Yeah," said Han. "Sides, her idiot dad was just lettin' her be a brat. She got what she deserved."

"Han, you're not helping," said Leia.

Jacen took a big bite from his sandwich. "Well," he said with his mouth full, "it's not fair that we all had to leave early just cause of something three people did."

"Yeah!" said Anakin. "I wanted to see the weird restaruant!"

"Me too!" said Allura.

Kai glared at Jaina, then Tad, then back again. "Well I don't see why Ms. Tano couldn't send _them_ back to the shuttle while the rest of us had fun."

"Yeah!" said Allura. "We missed out cause of _you!"_

"You missed out cause of _Melda!"_ Jaina shouted, pointing over at the table where Melda and her father were sitting. "Go yell at _her!"_

"Okay!" said Allura, flying to her feet, but Leia pulled her back down before she could actually carry out her mission.

"Allura," Leia said firmly, "we don't need things getting worse."

"But Melda MESSED UP OUR TRIP!" Allura yelled.

"Yup, she did," said Han. He leaned forward in the girls' direction, cupping his hands over his mouth. "Go yell at her when Leia's got her back turned - and yell at her dad while you're at it. They can't do anything more to us since we're leavin' tomorrow anyway."

Leia rolled her eyes. At least they _were _leaving tomorrow. That was the only notion that could comfort her right now.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: I'd like to thank everyone who read and reviewed during the course of this fic. It's certainly been a lot of fun to write, so I'm always pleased to know people enjoy reading it.

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 15

"Gotta make sure I have _all_ my autographs!" Tad chirped as he packed his bags. "I'm gonna show them to my kids and my kids' kids and my kids' kids' kids."

"Even the one on your old candy wrapper?" said Han, who was lying on the bed, silently counting the cracks in the ceiling.

"Yup!" said Tad. "And I'm gonna tell them all about how I met the great Han Solo on the best field trip ever and we became best friends!"

The best field trip ever. Han would have a differing opinion about that.

"Say Han," said Tad, bouncing onto the bed, "you haven't autographed my _suitcase, _have you?"

Han pushed himself to a sitting position. "And _why _should I autograph your suitcase when you've got fifty other autographs?"

"But what if I _lose _my other autographs?" said Tad, his eyes wide. "What if my house is on fire and the only thing I manage to save is my suitcase? I'LL HAVE LOST ALL MY AUTOGRAPHS!"

"Fine, fine," said Han. "Just get me a pen and I'll sign your suitcase."

Jacen and Anakin giggled from their bed. "Hey Dad," called Jacen, "do you wanna sign _my _suitcase as well? After all, you never know when you might lose everything except for your suitcase."

. . .

"Girls, make sure you have everything packed up well," said Leia. "If you leave it behind, it's lost forever."

"Lost FOREVER?" Allura cried.

"Yes," said Leia. "So make sure you double-check everything."

The girls rushed to pack up their stuff. Jaina was grabbing armfuls of clothes and stuffing them into her bag along with the various souvenirs she'd gotten. "Bet I can pack faster than you guys!" she chirped.

"No you can't!" shouted Kai.

Now that it was officially a competition, the girls looked like they would be finished within minutes. Leia actually smiled at them for a few moments, but of course, just like every other time when she thought she could relax, a fight broke out.

"That's MINE!" Allura screamed.

"No, it's MINE!" Kai screamed back.

Leia quickly whipped her head around to see that the object both sisters were claiming ownership of was a small gray sock. Allura was pulling on the toe while Kai was yanking at the ankle.

"Girls, there's no need to fight!" said Leia.

"Kai's grabbing MY sock!" Allura yelled.

"It's MY sock!" Kai yelled.

Leia groaned. "Girls, is a _sock _really worth fighting over?"

"YES!" Kai and Allura said in unison. "IT'S MY SOCK!"

They both started pulling harder, stretching the sock out of recognition.

"Mrs. Organa Solo," said Allura, "tell Kai she can't have my sock!"

"It's MY sock!" said Kai. "Tell _her_ she can't have it!"

"I don't KNOW whose sock it is!" said Leia. "Jaina, help me out here."

Jaina, who had been sitting on the bed and watching the fight in amusement, grinned up at her mother. "Well, we could cut the sock in two pieces and give each of them half."

"WHAT?" both sisters screamed, again in unison. "YOU'RE NOT TOUCHING MY SOCK!"

They both tugged even harder, so hard that they were grunting from the stress.

"IT'S . . . MY . . . SOCK . . ." grunted Kai.

"MY . . . SOCK . . ." grunted Allura.

Suddenly a loud _rrrriiiipppp _caused the girls to stop fighting. They both gasped when they saw that the sock now had a large tear in the middle.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY SOCK!" they both yelled before jumping on each other.

Leia sighed.

. . .

"Han, how come the autograph's not showing up?" asked Tad.

"I dunno," said Han, pushing the pen into the fabric and failing to make a mark. "It's not my fault your bag's made of this weird material you can't write on."

"But you've _gotta _autograph my bag!" Tad gasped. "What if . . ."

"Yeah yeah, what if your house burns down and all that's left is your bag," said Han. "Look kid, if that ever happened you could just gimmie a call and ask for a new autograph."

Tad's eyes bulged. "Wha . . . what did you say?"

"I said you could gimmie a call and ask for a new autograph," said Han. "No big deal."

"I could CALL you?" Tad exclaimed. "As in, you and me talking on the comm together?"

"Uh . . . yeah," said Han.

"Uh-oh Dad," said Jacen, "you're gonna be swamped with calls now."

Tad simply stared wide-eyed at Han for several moments before exploding. "WOOOOOOW! I GET TO CALL _THE _HAN SOLO!"

"Great," said Anakin, rolling his eyes. "Now you'll never be off the comm."

. . .

That night, Leia and Jaina lay together in the hotel bed for the last time. Everything was packed (at least Leia hoped so), and they would be leaving before the suns rose tomorrow. Leia was already looking forward to being back in her regular bed tomorrow night.

"Mom?" Jaina asked.

"What, honey?"

"Was I good during the trip?"

Leia sighed. "Well, apart from how you tackled Melda, yes, you were pretty good."

"So I get a treat when we get home?"

"Don't push it," Leia groaned. She turned over, letting out a large yawn in the process. "We've got to get up early tomorrow, so I'd suggest you get some sleep."

"Okay," said Jaina, but a few moments later she was talking again. "Mom, why were Kai and Allura so mean to you?"

"Probably because I actually expected them to listen," said Leia. "Go to sleep."

"So whose sock do you think it was?" asked Jaina.

Leia yawned again. "I don't really care. Go to sleep."

"I think they hate you cause they're jealous that I have such an awesome mom," Jaina continued, patting her mother's cheek. "Cause you got the Force and your cool job and all."

Leia smiled. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"Yeah," said Jaina. "Well, g'night, Mom."

"Good night."

. . .

The shuttle ride home was even noisier than the shuttle ride getting there, despite leaving super-early like last time. Once again they played a holofilm but once again no one watched it. Tad still wanted Han to try autographing his bag, but all the way home he never succeeded and ended up with a sore hand. Melda came running down the aisle three times claiming that Jacen was being mean to her, which of course meant her father was close behind and he would start arguing with Leia or Han. Kai and Allura kept fighting and Leia kept having to break up the fights because Ms. Tano was always attending to some other misbehaving child.

Finally they entered Coruscant's atmosphere, which drew great sighs of relief from almost every adult in the shuttle, including Ms. Tano. The landing platform was crowded with parents ready to pick up their children, but Ms. Tano said she wanted to take a group holo before everyone went home.

Once they landed, said group holo took at least ten minutes because the kids kept moving around and Ms. Tano kept having to shout at them. Han was sure he'd have the teacher's voice ringing in his head for at least a week.

"All right," Ms. Tano said after the holo was _finally _taken, "I want to thank you all for coming on our field trip. I know we had a few setbacks along the way, but overall it was a great trip and I'm sure you all learned some valuable lessons from it."

"Yeah," Han muttered to Leia, "I learned never to volunteer for one of these things."

"And I want to offer an extra-special thank you to the chaperones," Ms. Tano continued. "Without their hard work and dedication, this trip wouldn't have been possible, so let's give them a hand!" She and the children began applauding.

"Let's hear it for HAN SOLO!" Tad shouted.

"No!" said Melda. "Let's hear it for MY dad, who had to put up with idiots for the whole trip!"

"Younglings, we're clapping for everyone," Ms. Tano said quickly. "All right younglings, you may go join your parents now, and I'll see you in class!"

"Thank you, Ms. Tano," the children said in unison.

"You're very welcome!"

As the group began to scatter, Leia noticed Kai and Allura running up to a Tw'ilek woman she assumed was their mother. The woman squeezed them both in a hug and kissed their heads.

"Hello darlings!" she said in a low voice. "So how was your trip?"

"GREAT!" both Kai and Allura said in unison.

Leia's eyebrow raised. She certainly wouldn't describe a trip that was full of fights as "great."

"And you'll never guess who our roommate was!" Kai said so fast that her words strung together.

"Yeah!" said Allura. "Princess Leia Organa Solo _herself!_ It was _awesome!"_

_"_Best trip _ever!" _added Kai.

Now Leia's other eyebrow went up. She considered walking up to them and telling their mother how they behaved on the trip, but then she decided that it was probably best to leave them alone. Still, it was nice to know that the girls didn't _completely _hate her.

When she rejoined her family, she found Han and Tad in some sort of negotiation.

"So I can call you twice a week, but not in the early morning?" Tad was asking.

"Yeah," said Han. "And if I'm not home, don't leave a thousand messages - just one will do."

"Okay," Tad said with his big grin. "Thanks for everything, Han, this has been awesome. Hey, can you introduce me to Chewie soon?"

Han actually grinned back at him. "Sure, kid."

"YES!" said Tad, wrapping his arms around Han, who, once again to Leia's surprised, hugged him back. "See ya, Han!"

"See you," said Han.

As Tad skipped over to his parents, Leia grinned at her husband. "So, you finally made peace with your little fan?"

Han cocked his head in Tad's direction. "Hey, you wouldn't want me to turn away my biggest fan, would you?" He took a deep breath. "So, home?"

"Yes," said Leia. "Home."

. . .

The Solos' apartment had never looked so beautiful, toys on the floor, marks on the walls, and all. Once they were inside, Han threw down his luggage, stepped out of his boots, and headed straight for the bedroom, with Leia following close behind.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she said, reaching over and rubbing his shoulder.

"Yup," said Han, putting his hand on hers and grinning. "Something we haven't gotten enough of lately."

"I think I'm starving for it," said Leia, slyly bumping his hip.

"Me too," said Han, running his hand through her hair. "_Really _starving."

By now they had reached the bedroom, and once they caught sight of the bed they both collapsed on it, letting out long, exhausted sighs. Within minutes, they were both fast asleep.

. . .

"Mom, Dad, wake up!"

"Whaaa?" Leia groaned, keeping her eyes closed.

"Come on!" said Jacen, shaking his mother's shoulder. "We've got a surprise for you!"

Han gave a long yawn. "Surprise?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah!" said Jaina. "Come on, look!"

Finally the tired parents opened their eyes and pushed their heads up to find their children kneeling in a semicircle around a tray on which sat a plateful of sandwiches, a pitcher of blue milk, and a note that said "Best Chaperones Ever!" written in large, uneven handwriting.

"Surprise!" said Anakin. "We made you supper!"

Leia gave a large grin as she reached for a sandwich. "This is wonderful," she exclaimed. "Thank you, darlings."

"Well, we wanted to thank _you,"_ said Jacen.

Han took a large bite out of one of the sandwiches. "Well you're welcome, kids," he said with his mouth full. "This helps make up for all those times your teacher yelled at me."

"By the way," said Jaina, leaning forward over the tray, "can we ask you something?"

"Sure," said Leia.

"Would you be chaperones for our next field trip to Hoth?"

"WHAT?" Leia and Han shouted together.

Jaina gave a cheeky grin as her brothers burst into giggles. "Just kidding."

THE END

AN: Wow, that story ended up being longer than I originally thought. Anyway, now I can fully concentrate on my current big fanfic project "Defenders of the Force" (the first two chapters are up if you want to read it). Thanks again for reading!


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